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Sitting in the "Expert" Chair & Having a Seat at the Developmental Trauma Table

When someone is speaking about developmental trauma at a conference or webinar they are most often a clinician, scholar, teacher or researcher. If they have a lived experience of adverse childhood experiences that may not even be mentioned or spoken of.

 

Still.

 

In 2015.

 

This is starting to change and I'm thrilled to be a part of the Training Venue series on Developmental Trauma speaking as a writer, mother and trauma survivor.

 

There are more and more trauma-sensitive, trauma-informed and ACE-related initiatives, protocols, approaches and research.

 

However, I'm surprised by the lack of collaborative efforts, brainstorming and working groups between those with lived experience of high ACES and developmental trauma and those working "for" us.

Rarely are survivors of developmental trauma asked:

 

What was your experience?

What was hard?

What could have gone better?

What helped?

How did you navigate?

How could we as teacher-therapist-parent assisted more or harmed less?

What could have helped, steadied or supported your growth, health or development?

What do you need, want, crave or find useful now?

 

This is too bad because there are few portable, affordable and effective treatments for developmental trauma. There are many expensive and ineffective ones still widely used (like talk therapy used alone).

This is a shame because many people are suffering physically, emotionally and in relationships and with all variety of ailments and burdens.  And they are feeling that they are also inadequate at healing, coping or resilience rather than that anyone with their experiences would be burdened and that the services made available might be ineffective, unrealistic or created by people unaware of developmental trauma.

 

This too is changing!

 

Thanks to social medial those of us with personal and professional insights, experiences and views can find one another, speak for ourselves and offer wisdom, honesty and our own voices to conversations about 'people like us.'

 

We can start our own groups, non-profits, Facebook pages and act as writers, activists, artists and educators to help make change.

 

We can value and affirm and learn from one another too. We respect and to relate to one another directly - which is healing.

 

We can work on creating services for others knowing what isn't and is helpful and what we need and want and have or have yet to find.

 

I used to speak only to other survivors about developmental trauma because it seemed no one else "got it" and now I like to think of us as "getting it together."

 

It's important to join our voices and to speak to others, especially our allies, who are working, meaning or intending to help. It can feel vulnerable but also important.

 

They need to hear from us.

 

Why?

 

Because people speaking for us often are missing aspects of experience in the past and present.

 

Because many fabulous and wonderful children and adults are suffering from emotional, physical and social problems, pains and issues caused by interpersonal violence.

 

Because too many well-meaning helpers are ill-informed or have inaccurate or dated data about what trauma survivors need, want and find helpful.

 

Because there is still stigma secrecy and shame to having experienced violence. Sometimes those in the helping professions can't speak up or out from a personal perspective. However, they might be able to ask those of us who are "out" already to do so.

 

We have wisdom to share and can make the journey less arduous and lonely for others.

 

When educator, administrator and adoptive mother Melissa Sadin read an article I wrote, "Being Real About Trauma Symptoms" she reached out to me.  she invited me to participate in a webinar on developmental trauma I said yes.

 

I was honored. And afraid.

 

But there are too few places validating our voices. The best one I know of is acesconnection.com where all interested in anything and everything ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) can gather.

 

The information sharing is necessary because trauma sensitive and trauma-informed efforts that don't take into account the views, experiences and perspectives of those hoping to be served are doomed to fail.

We have a substantial history of efforts and policies that have not worked. Better and more varied services and and approaches to addressing and healing developmental trauma are needed. More and more is being accomplished but we're a long way from saying - that done.

 

A long way.

 

I had no voice as a child. I had no context, perspective or language. That's part of the reality of being a child and it's also a result of early trauma and neglect.

 

I couldn't speak up or advocate for myself as a child. I could survive, endure and persist.

 

Today, I can find and use my words to speak for myself and with others.

 

I'm a mother, woman, animal lover, sea glass collector, poetry loving activist and I have the lived experience of developmental trauma and an ACE-packed childhood.

 

All these identities are part of me but for so many years I was shamed about and riddled with experiences and symptoms that inhibit life.

 

No one can enjoy a lovely meal while someone is choking even if the menu is filled with stunning and nutritious offerings. It doesn't matter how good the food or the atmosphere or the company. When fear is present and being "served" in the room, there is only attentiveness to worry and danger.

 

It makes it hard to enjoy food, space or surroundings. It makes it hard to enjoy joy even when joy is present and close by.

 

There's such relief in being open, honest and truthful now.  We can verbalize why childhood was grueling and what healing and recovery are like.

 

To be invited to share my insights and experiences and to be heard, as a peer, a collaborator and someone with something to teach is affirming.

 

The educators and advocates I worked with are fantastic.

 

Jane Evans is a trauma parenting & behavior expert who advocate for building 'trauma informed' homes,

schools and communities. She's also a speaker and the author of How are you feeling today Baby Bear? and Kit Kitten and the Topsy-Turvy Feelings

 

Dr. Vaughn Lauer is the author of When the School Says No... How to Get to Yes! Securing Special Education Services for Your Child. As a special education teacher and child-centered advocate he works with parents, children and schoos systems to create and implement effective IEP plans.

 

Melissa Sadin is an expert in developmental trauma. She combines her professional experiences as an educator and school administrator with her personal experiences as an adoptive parent who knows first-hand about trauma and attachment issues. She uses what she's learned to help create trauma-sensitive schools and to educate parents and educators on the impact of developmental trauma on individuals, schools and communities.

 

Tyler Burke who is the founder of Training Venue which is a collaborative platform for human service professionals who want to get training from the comfort of home that is easy to use and interactive.

 

It was lovely to be regarded as an equal, expert and collaborator. Healing even. But it's more than that - it's a good way to improve services, protocols, policies and lives. The full link to the 50-minute video: http://trainingvenue.com/articles/2015/06/272/

 

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Comments (12)

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I think we all have the expertise of our experiences and if we are able to speak openly and honestly about them with one another it's wonderful. Mem, you made me put up a blog post because I totally agree that a collection of voices for white papers, brainstorms and policy input would be fantastic.
 
It's just being able to have conversation and dialogue and not being spoken for. We all have to be in certain roles (to my daughter, I'm not a friend but to my friends I am but not a mother and of course, in me, I'm very much both). Sometimes the roles have a need and a place. It's just the way that some people in roles and in relationship to trauma survivors speak FOR trauma survivors as though working with them (us) gives the experience. And maybe that's a cover for a lived experience a professional has but the us/them language certainly causes a distance which for me at least is incredibly off putting though I realize the medical model is intentionally "professional" in this way and for reasons both valid and dated.
 
It's what I didn't like in the Bessel van der Kolk book when trauma survivors were spoke of mainly as patients and not as people in jobs, families, at work etc. It kept me from being able to fully engage with the quite robust research.
 
The trauma survivor in therapy perspective is important but it's not a one-hour window that gives someone the insight to say how people with trauma are. Especially since one rarely goes to therapy feeling great. To me, that's where treatments are lacking - they are seeing people primarily in a one-on-one setting and not in the lives and worlds inhabited the vast majority of time. It's important info. and can be vital support but I wouldn't want anyone who saw me once a week to speak to my entire experience of trauma or adult life and my needs as a person based on what they know in an hour a week when they've interacted me in their professional role not just person to person as peers.
.
Plus, it misses the entire group of people who don't like, want or use therapy or have found other alternatives or who find traditional mental health approaches don't fit in with culture or work demands, etc. What does and doesn't help or hinder all people? I'm very interested in the range of experiences and don't find them as readily available as the "patient" through the lens of a therapist who is not speaking as a we and an us (this is not always true but it's true a good deal).
 
Anyhow, even if we just put together a reading and resource lists as a group I think that would be a useful document as well as covering our resistance or resonance with the word resilience.
 
Cissy

 

Laura,
I totally get the not talking or writing about what you are mired in and writing about. However, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to read that book. I have trouble being alpha with dogs. I have trouble in supervisory roles. And I've known it's connected to some early views of power but have not read anything about this and will look for your work! It's got to be related to being underpaid and over-volunteering too - partly to not want to make anything inaccessible to anyone for having been powerless but also for not wanting to own or claim authority, power and value. Interesting!!!
Cissy
 
Originally Posted by Laura K Kerr, PhD:

This is the topic of the book I am writing. I'm looking primarily at women and their relationship to power after abuse, although men certainly have similar responses. 

 

I can't really go into detail, because of the intense writing I'm doing elsewhere. (That might seem strange, but I have heard other writers say it's pretty common.) But what I am discovering is that for lots of people with histories of trauma, their experiences with abuse leads them to become both incredibly compassionate and have difficulty with inhabiting a sense of power, or roles that are powerful, because such experiences are so associated with memories of being overpowered. I'm writing about how to work through an inhibiting relationship with power, and how to feel empowered versus over-identified with powerlessness and discomfort with power.

 

Laura, 

 

Thanks.  I see what you are saying and I have to say, I think you hit the nail squarely on the head.  I don't like power.  It makes me feel bullied or like a bully if I were to use it (in a way that would make me different, separate and especially in any way superior).  Why --- because it reminds me of how mean, humiliating, and degrading my dad was to me and especially how mean he was to my little brother who I sought so hard to protect.  This dislike is as dysfunctional as seeking power to cover up unresolved traumatic experiences.  I will work on this.  I will also be looking forward to reading your book. 

 

Again, many thanks for the incredible insight.  

 

Tina

Sorry, I was writing before your last two responses! Laura: power - another favourite trigger pushing word!

Your book should be interesting!!

So this is what I wrote ready to post:

You always write so thoughtfully and movingly Cissy. Congratulations on your joining the ‘experts’.  You are one! Undoubtedly! Here’s to hoping there’s many more opportunities for you to teach others what it actually FEELS like, to live in the shoes of a survivor who has become a determined thriver and all the manifestations from high ACEs. etc.  And yes, you’ll be speaking to some therapists who are uncomfortable/still in denial.  And yes, this is where the ‘wonderful’ great divide of ‘them’ and ‘us’ will come into play as well. 

Laura: this is one of my favourite musings/topics in the world of healing professions and healing generally.  This is where it gets really really uncomfortable for many.  Absolutely, there is a social divide!!

This "us" versus "them" divide -- and how it plays out in both the perpetuation AND denial of trauma -- is what I am most interest in right now, including how to heal the internal fragmentation it causes. I think looking at this distinction is key for healing the feeling of powerlessness in those of us who have been abused, as well as important for avoiding future victimization. 

 

I also think this 'us' versus 'them' distinction is unwittingly playing a role in creating social positionings -- the doctor versus the patient, for example -- that supports a society that is specialized and hierarchical, but also denies that the power that allows for such dynamics is also exploited when a child is abused.

How well said, Laura.  Love this!

 

When you think about it, why are people attracted to therapy type professions in the first place, as Tina asks?   My instincts (yes, no research data here, though wouldn’t that be interesting!!) tell me that some may have a few ACEs, maybe a reasonable Resilience score so that they can manage.  It is a type of sink or swim profession after all. – Hence I called you an outlier, Tina.  Not many reach the level you have because of the prefrontal cortex underdevelopment, etc.!

I am certainly not trying to put anyone down here.  Sometimes writing thoughts can seem clumsy  There's always that risk of offending, and it's the last thing I would intentionally do... It's NOT a competitionHaving a few ACEs etc gives you insight and empathy, especially if one acknowledges it.  Having a high ACE and low Resiliency score puts one in another category again.  To have the credentials to speak out and having experienced them, COULD be so powerful, if only people could start being honest.  Ah humans, we’re a funny bunch aren’t we – we love to divide, to feel superior, to feel we have some kudos/power.  We’ll do anything to get it!  So those with low ACEs etc as therapists CAN hide their ‘flaws’/shame and only divulge to those who are also brave enough to do so, in whispers.  It’s still oh-so-secretâ€Ķ  But not very holistic!

So until we reach the day we say what happened to you, not what’s wrong with you, this shame and blame on the survivors will continue, be it therapists or the ‘ordinary’/others. 

So go Cissy, you’re both expert and survivor!

 

BTW:  what happened to the “White Paper” I think Cissy, Tina, Kathy maybe others were discussing at one stage not too long ago??  From my recollection it was to discuss and make suggestions towards good policy as to what meaningful trauma informed care looks like from those who have survived, and can articulate what it is that is so vitally missing in the healing process, etc. That could be helpful with presentations etc such as you are giving, Cissy!  It adds a collection of voices that could potentially be very powerfulâ€Ķ

This is the topic of the book I am writing. I'm looking primarily at women and their relationship to power after abuse, although men certainly have similar responses. 

 

I can't really go into detail, because of the intense writing I'm doing elsewhere. (That might seem strange, but I have heard other writers say it's pretty common.) But what I am discovering is that for lots of people with histories of trauma, their experiences with abuse leads them to become both incredibly compassionate and have difficulty with inhabiting a sense of power, or roles that are powerful, because such experiences are so associated with memories of being overpowered. I'm writing about how to work through an inhibiting relationship with power, and how to feel empowered versus over-identified with powerlessness and discomfort with power.

I think that is a great point Laura. I try not to make a divide as activist and writer who is a trauma survivor. However, it's not without risk and I imagine that is more so for those in social worker roles. But isn't that in and of itself a problem? Don't all people and all perspectives have value? I think they do I just don't see lots of conversations happening, as equals and so that perpetuation of roles exist:
us/them
doctor/patient
provider/receiver
salesperson/consumer
 
I understand why roles are necessary but not why conversations people to people exist outside of the roles.

To me, this is precisely the reason so many trauma protocols and treatments and approaches are ineffective. They are not informed enough by the experience of trauma and the needs of trauma survivors and so they are filtered to what people think or assume or presume might help, work or be of benefit. There are lots of gaps and misses even in good intentions. I'd love to see more collaboration and discussion.
 
So, I especially appreciate your comment and your own unique perspective as wearing more than one hat. I have to think that's fairly common for all of us.
 
Cissy
 
Originally Posted by Laura K Kerr, PhD:

Wonderful, essay, Cissy. I grapple with the divide between expert and survivor all the time. Some of it is my own doing, since I write from both perspectives, and thus with different voices. But I also think that there is a social divide that I continually run up against. I get the sense that people want to see me as one or the other -- a mental health professional or a survivor, and thus to speak or write from only one of these perspectives at a time. And this feels a lot like the "us" versus "them" divide that supports the objectification of people in general, and that keeps us stuck in roles that don't really fit who we are or our experiencecs.

 

Hum, 

Thank you Laura. 

 

Any ideas of why I might not be like that (or at least I don't think I am).  By this theory, which I do believe is accurate, I should have an addiction to power, However, I find if I were to deny my experiences, I would experience massive internal revulsion -- I don't think I could do it.   I am embarrassed to ask this question because it might sound like I want an analysis, but really I need to deal with my embarrassment, I think it is important to analyze these phenomenon in order to figure out how to counteract them. 

 

I also have experienced this denial as hurtful to patients (meaning me) and in effect null and voids the Physician Oath of  "Do no Harm."   Another reason to examine this phenomenon.  

 

 

Originally Posted by Tina Marie Hahn, MD:

I kind of wonder about this social divide between "us" and "them".  If I had all the opportunities in medical school, I would have become a child psychiatrist ---- why because I would have been looking for how do I heal myself "physician heal thyself".  I wonder why the therapists/psychiatrists generally don't seem (in my humble opinion) to want to know about childhood trauma experiences.  They must have many of their own?  

 

It is very confusing to my mind and frankly it just doesn't make any sense to me.  

 

Laura, 

 

You are so insightful, do you have any thoughts or you Cissy? 

 

I don't have any.  Saying it like it is and analyzing if "like it is" is correct or not seems like the best approach to me.  

 

Thanks everybody. 

This "us" versus "them" divide -- and how it plays out in both the perpetuation AND denial of trauma -- is what I am most interest in right now, including how to heal the internal fragmentation it causes. I think looking at this distinction is key for healing the feeling of powerlessness in those of us who have been abused, as well as important for avoiding future victimization. 

 

I also think this 'us' versus 'them' distinction is unwittingly playing a role in creating social positionings -- the doctor versus the patient, for example -- that supports a society that is specialized and hierarchical, but also denies that the power that allows for such dynamics is also exploited when a child is abused.

 

If you haven't read it yet, I would recommend Alice Miller's The Drama of the Gifted Child. She looks closely at the childhood experiences she believes are common of people who go on to be therapists. Many therapists, despite developmental wounding, might be more invested in denying their wounding rather than trying to heal, recover from, or integrate their experiences of victimhood. I think this is likely true of a lot of people who use their professional roles to create a sense of being powerful, or alternatively, to hide from their feelings of powerlessness. 

I kind of wonder about this social divide between "us" and "them".  If I had all the opportunities in medical school, I would have become a child psychiatrist ---- why because I would have been looking for how do I heal myself "physician heal thyself".  I wonder why the therapists/psychiatrists generally don't seem (in my humble opinion) to want to know about childhood trauma experiences.  They must have many of their own?  

 

It is very confusing to my mind and frankly it just doesn't make any sense to me.  

 

Laura, 

 

You are so insightful, do you have any thoughts or you Cissy? 

 

I don't have any.  Saying it like it is and analyzing if "like it is" is correct or not seems like the best approach to me.  

 

Thanks everybody. 

Wonderful, essay, Cissy. I grapple with the divide between expert and survivor all the time. Some of it is my own doing, since I write from both perspectives, and thus with different voices. But I also think that there is a social divide that I continually run up against. I get the sense that people want to see me as one or the other -- a mental health professional or a survivor, and thus to speak or write from only one of these perspectives at a time. And this feels a lot like the "us" versus "them" divide that supports the objectification of people in general, and that keeps us stuck in roles that don't really fit who we are or our experiencecs.

Cissy, 

 

Thank you for this wonderful post.  I know it would be very helpful for those in the "helping" professions to get to know the stories of those of us with very High ACEs and intense ones.   

 

I wish every psychiatrist was like Bruce Perry.   I am gonna need time to digest this more. 

 

Thank you so much for this great Post!!!!!!

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