Teens & Stress & First Day of School = Extressed

My daughter didn't sleep well one night this week.

She was looking forward to seeing friends back at school. But there are so many new kids in her grade and she's heard there's lots more home work this year.

One the way to school she said she was "exstressed" (excited plus stressed).

Back to school time can be a busy and expensive time for many of us. Our kids may be sleeping less, struggling with homework demands and social pressures while trying to keep up with jobs, responsibilities or sports as well.

And all those school clothes and supplies!

It's not just the kids you know who are tired and stressed.

According to the Center for Emotional Intelligence, at Yale, the three most common feelings of about 22,000 high school students reported were as follows:

tired

bored

stressed.

In fact, 80% of the students reported feeling stressed routinely while at school.

Can you imagine what kids living in poverty and without homes must be feeling? 

Or who are dealing with toxic stress or adversity in the present and/or recent past? 

And who are hungry?

Imagine going to school while homeless as many children do?

Or without any emotional support?

School may be an added layer of stress. Or not, school might be a sanctuary, as it was for me. A place with mostly nice people, predictable rules and maybe one or two meals. 

Our experiences in school and what we need vary so much. One thing seems to be common though - kids are stressed. 

I was watching a video about stress and teens and it talked a lot about SEL programs in schools.

As a parent, I've not heard of them. SEL stands for social emotional learning. An SEL approach teaches students to identify, communicate and manage emotions and to do so in class.

SEL is brought into classrooms by the teachers not guidance counselors with the understanding that how kids feel impacts how kids learn. 

One example, is RULER which was developed by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence directed by Mark Brackett. 

RULER stands for:

Recognizing

Understanding

Labeling

Expressing

Regulate

It sounds like a tool that would be helpful for people of all ages. I wonder if SEL is used with or instead of trauma-informed programs. Does it help all kids and all kinds of stress?

I found one interesting possible answer from a pdf from the New York State Technical and Education Assistance Center for Homeless Students (NYS-TEACHS).

"While everyone can benefit from the continual growth of social-emotional skills, students experiencing homelessness need an approach that is trauma-sensitive in order to be successful."

It made me think about how stress is something everyone shares and is important to manage.

But stress management alone isn't enough to deal with traumatic and toxic stress.

Stress management won't feed anyone food.

Stress management won't make someone feel safe if they aren't actually safe.

Any tool can be wonderful but if needs are pressing the right tool is important.

As a parent with post-traumatic stress from childhood trauma I didn't begin to learn about emotions, never mind emotional regulation, until my 20's.

Decades later and it's work to manage my feelings before, during and after helping my daughter identify and deal with hers. I am not always graceful juggling these tasks. It takes a lot of practice and getting that exposure and practice, even a little, in school, probably can't hurt.

But, if one is in survival mode I'm not sure how effective it is to be more mindful during childhood adversity?

We can all benefit from tools, at home, work or in school. But which tools and when and implemented by whom? Those are important questions too. 

If kids are feeling cumulative toxic "stress" as well as community stresses, SEL tools might just scratch the surface.

I"m a fan of most approaches which get people talking about emotions at home, in school or in the work place - as long as they aren't band-aid approaches only instead of getting to the roots of problems.

I imagine it would be easier had my childhood been different but that doesn't mean it would be easy. I don't think any parent has it easy. 

And I believe most kids are stressed and that's worrisome.

But not all stress is the same and the types of stress being managed by those stressed out varies - a lot.

Every tool has a place and a use. Some tools are more user friendly and accessible than others.

We all know a screwdriver won't work as well as a hammer for a nail. SEL and trauma-informed seem like two different tools in a tool box that probably works best with both.