Twenty years ago, when I began my healing journey, I only knew one thing about shame: I would do whatever it took to protect myself from the shame of being sexually abused as a child. Since then, I’ve eliminated that shame and dedicated my life to helping other abuse survivors do the same.
The first question most sexual abuse survivors ask me is this: How can I stop feeling bad about myself and what happened to me when I was a child?
Well, the first step is to stop hiding your shame. That’s a surprise, isn’t it? But you must give shame a voice. As long as you keep it hidden, you won’t be able to heal.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this process for you. Embracing your shame is painful. And that’s why many are tempted to give up. They resist the pain rather than move through it, or they look for a quick fix. Both are natural human responses. Both are toxic for sexual abuse survivors.
I was the same way. I tried to protect the shame and my wounds by telling myself I’m flawed, and there’s nothing I can do about it. However, when I finally found the support I needed to work through the pain, it saved my life.
Living with shame is more painful than sharing it. Hard to believe, but true. That’s because an amazing thing happens when you share and externalize shame. It loses its power over you.
Almost all of your shame came from your parents or the abuser. It’s not yours, and it never was. But internalized shame feeds a crippling belief. It tells us that we are hopeless, broken, flawed, a mistake, and the cause of what happened. It tells us this is the way we are, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
That’s a lie. There is something you can do about it. You can find a safe place to release the shame. Like I said, I’m not going to minimize the process. It’s hard work, and it takes time. Turning yourself inside out in order to heal isn’t easy.
But I’m here to tell you it’s possible and worth every minute of the struggle. You’re stronger and more courageous than you think. Why not make today the day you take that first step toward creating the peaceful life you deserve?
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Were you sexually abused as a child? Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward? I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you. To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.comtoday. Take the time to invest in yourself. You’re worth it!
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