June 2016

Be There. But Not Too There. My parents worked. A lot. But they made sure they were home every night, and they were there every morning. And they were very diligent about the important stuff. They checked that I did my homework. But in the hours between getting home from school and going to bed, my sister and I were left to our own devices. So, my afternoons could be spent doing any number of things, from bothering my sister to listening to music with her to watching the Diff'rent...

Best line I read anywhere today? "Isabelle Mansuy and her team have now shown that the impact of childhood trauma can be corrected by a low-stress and enriched environment in adult life." Isn't that encouraging? I saw this in a Mad in America post via a Facebook post from another AcesConnection member. This community is great! The full article, posted originally in the EurekAlert is here: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2016-06/uoz-not062316.php

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court is upholding the broad reach of a federal law that bans people convicted of domestic violence from owning guns. The justices on Monday rejected arguments that the law covers only intentional acts of abuse and not those committed in the heat of an argument. The case involved two Maine men who said their guilty pleas for hitting their partners should not disqualify them from gun ownership. Complete article: ...

I've been thinking a lot about projection all weekend. It started with the great discussion on projection started by Lindi last week where awesome conversation and resources have been shared. We hope to continue that in an online chat in Parenting with ACEs group in the near future. My boyfriend and I were walking my dog at a state park. It was beautiful out. Warm and sunny and finally summer. There were eight teens screaming, yelling and swimming by the edge of the water. I was startled by...

One day in February 2009, a 13-year-old boy named Sasha Egger started thinking that people were coming to hurt his family. His mother, Helen, watched with mounting panic that evening as her previously healthy son forgot the rules to Uno, his favorite card game, while playing it. She began making frantic phone calls the next morning. By then, Sasha was shuffling aimlessly around the yard, shredding paper and stuffing it in his pockets. “He looked like an old person with dementia,” Helen later...

Excerpt: Parental presence comes from the experience of a father, or mother, making sense of his or her life so that issues from their own childhood experiences do not impair, in any prolonged or profound way, their ability to connect openly with a child. Making sense of your life as a parent means reflecting on the past so that you understand how your own childhood experiences shaped who you have become. What this means is that you’ve done some at times painful reflections to see clearly...

Parents often say that raising a child is one of the most rewarding and important roles you'll ever play. While there is no clear “best” way to raise a child, recent survey results from Kobe University in Japan have revealed the lasting effects that different rearing techniques can have on children’s personalities, wealth, and overall happiness after they’ve left the nest. For the project, the researchers surveyed 5,000 women and men about their relationships with their parents during...

We hear too little from men about having survived childhood abuse and even less about how that abuse impacts their fathering. This series about fathering as a survivor is helping to change that. They've done a complete interview with Ray Charles. Here's an excerpt. 7. What would you tell another survivor father who is expecting their first child? You have 9 months and counting to help yourself to try and climb out of your own issues (sounds easy, its not). This little person will need you...

My dear friend sent me this link today. It's worth sharing and I think applies whether we are raising sons or daughters. The full article is great and here's an excerpt: I remember walking into the cafeteria of my new school and it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I was in sixth grade. My family had just moved from Virginia to Ohio. At first, I attended the local Catholic school. Within the first two months, I was begging my parents to go to the public school because the girls...

I love the healing power of yoga for easing trauma symptoms. My first moments of pleasure while present happened in a yoga class. I've written lots on this healing modality for trauma survivors. Unfortunately, not all yoga classes are taught by those who are trauma-informed. Some great yoga teachers are doing great and teaching others to use use trauma-informed teaching styles. However, lots of yoga teachers still touch students, during class, without asking. Some to do to help with postures...

A new study from Japan shows that children who receive positive attention and care from their parents have high incomes, high happiness levels, academic success, and a strong sense of morality. Researchers, led by Dr. Kazuo Nishimura, a project professor at the Kobe University Center for Social Systems Innovation, and Dr. Tadashi Yagi, a professor at the Doshisha University Faculty of Economics, conducted an online survey in January 2016 to discover the effects of parenting methods in Japan.

This article , written by Jack Smith, is funny and serious at the same time. We all know the story of the well-loved orphan who sings her way through life’s miseries and gets to live in a mansion with the mega-rich Oliver Warbucks. Everyone’s sung along to the catchy and cheery songs that make Annie so fantastic. And we’re always so pleased that Annie gets a happy ending, despite her bad beginning. But it’s fiction – of course there was going to be a happy ending. The reality is not all...