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Parenting with PACEs. PACEs science & stories. Trauma-informed change.

July 2016

Down the Generations (www.bbc.co.uk)

"In a sense, it doesn't matter from a policy point of view, whether bad health is transmitted down the generations through a biological mechanism, a social one or a mixture of both - because we largely already know how to fix it. The good news is that even if you start life with a low stock of health, if you live in a society with good public health, you can, to some extent, build up your stocks as you go along." This BBC radio show shares stories and research which are hopeful, horrible and...

How to Be a Good Parent Even If You Didn't Have One (www.rainbowkids.net)

Eight years ago I wrote a brief review of The Whole Parent: How to be a Good Parent Even if You Didn't Have One by Debra Wesselmann. It was, and still is one of the few titles on this important topic. While the article is older, and geared towards adoptive parents, the content is still useful and this book can help any of us who are Parenting with ACEs. Here's an excerpt: This book is fantastic because it manages to be non-shaming about our weak spots while stressing the importance of...

The Unexpected Price of Reporting Abuse: Retaliation (www.bostonglobe.com)

The Boston Globe's spotlight team continues to do great reporting. In May, they ran a story about hundreds of students who had been sexually abused by staffers at close to 70 private schools in New England. Yesterday, they ran a story about the retaliation many faced at private schools after reporting. When a small boarding school in the Berkshires discovered that a music teacher was having a sexual relationship with a female student, administrators responded in a way many parents would...

When Your Child is Your PTSD Trigger (www.theestablishment.com)

This is one necessary and important contribution written by Dawn Daum. It's honest. There are few resources available to parents with PTSD, especially new parents dealing with the physical and emotional demands of early parenting. When I became a new mother, I was prepared for a lot—but nobody told me that parenting when you have experienced childhood abuse can feel like walking back into a war zone as a soldier with PTSD. Before becoming a mother, I could physically re-shift focus away from...

Why Social And Emotional Skill Building In Early Childhood Matters [ChildTrends.org]

I started my career as a preschool teacher. For 13 years, I helped 3- to 5-year-old children learn how to write their name; count, sort and use other foundational math concepts; manage their toileting and dressing independently; and meet other easily-observable school-readiness milestones. The children were flourishing, and their families were delighted with their achievements! But woven throughout the multi-faceted learning experiences supporting cognitive, language, physical, and self-help...

More on Self-Regulation: Information Sheets

There are some great hand-outs, available for free, for non-commercial use which talk about self-regulation vs. self-control. Some are geared towards teachers but they are useful for parent as well. And honestly, they are useful for adults as well as children. I like the way words like safety are explained and how simple some of the approaches are. For example, in "Understanding Stress Behavior for Teachers" the "Tips to Deal with Stress Behavior" are as follows: Figure out and reduce the...

Childhood violence and the Whac-A-Mole effect

Whac-A-Mole players ( by Laura ) _______________________________________________ Many people and organizations focus on preventing violence with the belief that if our society can stop violence against children, then most childhood trauma will be eradicated. However, research that has emerged over the last 20 years clearly shows that focusing primarily on violence prevention – physical and sexual abuse, in particular – doesn’t eliminate the trauma that children experience, and won’t even...

The CDC and WHO are teaming up to end the ‘contagious disease’ of child violence [WashingtonPost.com]

The world can be a dark place for many children: the "lost boys" from Sudan, refugees fleeing the conflict in Syria, child sex workers in Brazil, baby girls abandoned in China, kids pulled into gang drug wars in the United States. Such suffering by children is more common than most people might think and represents what some believe to be one of our biggest public-health crises of all time. A study published in January in the journal Pediatrics puts that violence into stark perspective by...

Why It's 'Self-Reg,' Not Self-Control, That Matters Most For Kids (npr.org)

Great article by Barbara J. King. An excerpt: The biggest lesson that I've taken from Self-Reg is that when a child insists that a teacher's voice is harsh, or a restaurant or classroom is unbearably bright or loud, we need to recognize (even though we might not experience things that way at all) that the child is very probably not lying, exaggerating or trying to be oppositional. Instead, the child's biological sensitivities may make her exquisitely reactive in a way that triggers a...

Family Secrets, Part 2: Truths Revealed (Dear Sugar Radio, wbur.org)

This is part 2 of the Dear Sugar Podcast on Family Secrets . This is a topic so many of us grapple with in one way or another, maybe once in a while or maybe a lot. When and if and how to share secrets? What to do with secrets not openly disclosed? How to respond to secrets shared with us? There are no easy answers or lists of what to do. Just conversation and discussion and food for thought. And food for feelings.

Punishments vs. Consequences: Which Are You Using? (www.empoweringparents.com)

"Of course, consequences are only effective if your child buys in and decides to change. It can be frustrating to hear that, but ultimately their behavior is up to them . Maybe your son will eventually get tired of not having his cell phone and decide he’d rather check-in on schedule. Maybe. That’s up to him. Your job is to consistently hold him accountable through consequences, whether or not he decides to change. It’s easy when you are feeling exasperated with your child to resort to doing...

Forgiveness?

I saw the funniest meme today by Sue Fitzmaurice. I don't know her writing but this made me laugh so hard that I will certainly be reading more about her. Forgiveness is tough. As I age I find myself feeling more and more forgiving - and much more often than I did when younger. When I was younger, it felt like forgiveness was a way of saying what was done (when it came to abuse) or not done (when it come to neglect) was o.k. It wasn't o.k. as in ideal or healthy or good for me. I didn't even...

Rick Hanson: Practical Tips on Neuro-Plasticity that Don't Require a PhD

Rick Hanson has a series of free podcast talks, Being Well , on Soundcloud which are excellent. He combines science, spirituality and the power of simple storytelling. His podcasts are informative, educational and also interesting. Though they aren't geared specifically towards trauma survivors or parents, I've found them helpful. They have done more to help me understand why and how mindfulness is healing than most anything. Plus, they help me learn more about human nature in general which...

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