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Parenting with PACEs. PACEs science & stories. Trauma-informed change.

Dear Parenting with ACEs Community:

I'm wondering if anyone has worked ACEs-related language into a School Council School Improvement Plan? I'm on the School Council for a charter school and we're looking at improving parent engagement., in general, and as part of that I'm trying to introduce two topics:

1) ACEs and 2)Race, Class & Parent Involvement 

We have kids from 30 different communities and 1/3 of the students are Haitian. The other 2/3 are mostly but not entirely Caucasian. Anyhow, some kids take a bus, many are driven to/from by parents. The income and race of communities from sending towns varies widely and so, as a school, there's a lot of income disparity as well and differences in adverse community experiences in and out of the school. We know that kids and families are all dealing with ACEs (the presence or absence and the challenges or protections) and so I want to address both issues - but can't ignore that the entire school council Principal, teachers, assistant principals, parents, and students are all white, except for my daughter, who is Asian. 

To complicate matters, as someone with a high ACE score myself, I've not always been a joiner and not always willing to do the work to help a system change. I've more been the one who eye rolls, thinks the system doesn't get it, and just doesn't engage. But I have a kid in the school and schools transformed my childhood. I know schools can be sanctuaries for kids, all kids, even when they are imperfect. And part of being part of this ACEs community has taught me that those of us who have ever felt marginalized, or not represented, whether we still do or not, are actually essential, required, and have input that is valuable - not only in speaking for ourselves but in speaking to why other people won't and don't engage for reasons that are not only lack of interest, passion or caring.  

But I'm kind of green to how schools and school councils work and in being a team player (working on it every day). I know I'll have better success if I can share some success and examples of things done well at other places, or at least being explored.  Has anyone some success in this arena or any ideas or resources or experiences to share in comments or privately? 

Here, I'm asking as Cissy who is a mother and part of a school community more than anything. I appreciate any feedback and will ask on the main ACEs page as well as in the ACEs in Education community. I will share back whatever I learn.  

Thanks everyone!!
Cissy

@Melissa Sadin @Emily Read Daniels @Drew Schwartz@Lara Kain and anyone/everyone who knows about school, ACEs, inclusion, diversity and ways of making change that include parents and School Councils, please share.  

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@Cissy White  You're the best.  I love that you are so boldly putting it out there!   

To begin with, you know that your question is laden with like 10,000 $1,000,000 questions.  You may be new to this arena, but you're a quick study, so of course you have all the questions everyone in education has been grappling with for eternity:

- How to include ALL VOICES?
- How to bridge PTAs mission with the broader school community?
- How to engage parents with busy lives, distance, etc?  And for what purpose?
- How to diminish inequities potentially inherent in income, racial, cultural differences?

For starters, I think you may want to Simon Sinek this one with your fellow school council members.

WHY?  What are you wanting to accomplish and WHY?  Is your desire to share ACES information shared by a majority on the council?  If so, for what purpose?  Are you looking to have parents find one another for support with these ACES experiences?  How might it look for parents that are actively living ACES? Are you hoping to bring trauma-informed principles into the school via the parent's voice?

A lot of people are going to tell you, "do a needs assessment; survey people."  I say, slow down, titrate, give space and time, start what may be a very meaningful conversation with your fellow council members.  Truthfully, these conversations are where the healing can begin - for all.

If you have already had this conversation with your fellow council members and you are in agreement about your shared desire to bring ACES science/information to the parent community, begin with your next set of questions.  Why?  For what purpose?  What do you hope to accomplish?  What format/vehicle will most likely help you accomplish what you set out to do?  How might you spread the word?  What's your social network within the council?  Who do they know and who knows that person that might help you bring in folks on the periphery of the school's social network?

You know this stuff is my wheelhouse.  You know I am eternally indebted to you.  I will help you...whatever you decide to do with moving this forward, I am happy to be whispering in your ear or standing by your side.  

You go, girl!  Be Bold, Be Brave, Be Slow...and KEEP IT REAL!  XO, Em

There are no short cuts!  Build relationships........... when others different from you know you care they will participate. You will not have the answers to your questions unless they come from them. Not at a meeting but over coffee or dinner conversations at school events ......

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

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