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Can anyone give me an explanation if you have developmental trauma, alexithymia and attachment disorder, where do you look for therapy for the last two? (I'm finally getting infra-low neurofeedback for the first item but it took me years just to find that, now I seem to be totally striking out on the other two.) I'm located in Ventura County but location isn't as important as HOW  (or who) if at all!

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Hello Jeffrey,  

As a registered attachment therapist and certified EMDR therapist, I treat all of these conditions, but my office is in Newport Beach near the OC airport.  If distance is prohibitive, I'd suggest you look for "resources" on the ATTACh website (Association for Training on Trauma and Attachment in Children), www.attach.org, which lists clinicians who treat both adults and children.  If you'd like to talk, you may reach me at 714-785-3407 or connie@icfd.net.

Warm regards,

Connie Hornyak, LCSW

 

Last edited by Jane Stevens

Hi Jeff - Sorry the list of attachment specialists in Orange County I sent you a few months ago didn't work for you. Did you try all the links on my "Find an Attachment Therapist" page in Ventura and LA Counties? http://attachmentdisorderheali...herapists-directory/ 

Especially with alexythemia (can't feel feelings), I had that, it's typical of infant trauma, I healed it with Somatic Experiencing. These two somatic links are on my find a therapist page above, surely one of them has a practitioner in Ventura County: –Somatic Experiencing, Dr. Peter Levine (enter zip) : http://sepractitioner.membergrove.com/index.php
–Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, Dr. Pat Ogden
Find a sensorimotor therapist:  read the intro first:
https://www.sensorimotorpsycho...py.org/referral.html
https://www.sensorimotorpsycho...ferral/prUSA_CA.html

I have names for four attachment specialists in LA, likely LA is better for you than Orange County: http://attachmentdisorderheali...rectory/#comment-726

Last edited by Kathy Brous

Thank you Connie and Kathy, those are great connections! Forgive me that I'm trying to figure out just where/when this attachment/somatic stuff applies for me, I'm trying to make my resources go as far as I can so I'm trying to understand whether perhaps I need to make still more progress with the NFB (maybe see more insomnia relief first, as a sign) before proceeding with these new modalities. I know as recently as a few months ago the alexithymia had just about halted the effectiveness of the EMDR and so I'm thinking right now it'll probably stop these other techniques pretty much too. It's challenging because there's a lot of new terminology here and I don't always understand what everyone means and I also think my case is just quite a bit worse than most. But I appreciate the references, at least I'm formulating a strategy, thanks again for the help!

Dear Jeffrey:

I learned a lot from books like Nurturing Adoptions and Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray. While they are geared towards parents who have adopted, which was how I discovered them, I found them helpful for instructing me in what is healthy attachment, why it matters and what happens when it's present and absent and also how traumatic stress and abuse and neglect may also impact kids and therefore the parent/child attachment process. Again, none of it was geared towards me as an adult with developmental trauma or as a person healing, but for me it was among the most healing resources. It helped me piece together what happens, when things go well, and to see some things in me that I thought were just the way it is as a result of not being attached more (to myself or feelings or others). 

Also, it's hard because it's hard to be getting educated, be an advocate for ourselves, have some stuff we are working out and trying to find help and all - all at the same time. I wish I could say, "This one phone number or website or resource is all you need" because I think a lot of would have loved or appreciated that. 

Kathy Brous shares A LOT on her website that's super informed but also from an individual perspective. Few know more than she does, personally or resource wise, so her links and resources would be at the top of my list. 

Best wishes!
Cis

Dear Cis,

I'm glad you described these books because to be honest (I know some of you will have a little trouble understanding my problem) I seemed to be having difficulty wrapping my head around what folks meant by "attachment". Now that you described it that seemed to encapsulate my problem, namely that my late mother in her muddled concepts seemed to actually be PROUD that nothing like "bonding" was going on under her roof!! (This from someone who "professed" to be a loyal disciple of Dr. Spock's baby book too - of course her massive ego prevented her from seeing the huge illogic at the center of all this...) I mean it doesn't surprise me that I'm still putting this all together but I wonder how many more of these world-upending notions about how I was raised are out there for me to discover? (I suppose you can't "repair" attachment if none existed in the first place? Another reason the therapists will reject me for treatment? Holy cow!) Anyway thanks for the help.

Jeff

Jeff:

You absolutely CAN improve your attachment to your own self. Seriously, for me that has been crucial and for me, Cheri Huber's books are a help (about ending self-hate, which is necessary before self-love can bloom). I too have often been puzzled and it's part of why I LOVE ACE's. 

For some of A-C-E's were our ABC's and so we are trying to go to re-create and piece it all back together. Give yourself compassion and patience. It takes time. It's not always fast but healing IS possible and in my experience my life has improved enormously just by attaching to my own self and even knowing what the heck that means. Of course, that has helped me attach to others. It's not seamless but it improves ALL the time. 

Best wishes. 
Cis

Jeff,

Cis is offering you important encouragement!  Many of the attachment therapists that I'm aware of (Connie Hornyak is an awesome resource) would welcome the opportunity to assist you.  Here's the resource list we have on the Attachment & Trauma Network's website: http://www.attachmenttraumanet...database/therapists/ listed by state.

Although ATN never "refers" people to therapists (because we don't vet the ones listed).  I do know there are two experienced attachment therapists in Ventura on that list who you may want to interview - David Kerrigan and Faith Freelander.  

Best wishes for your continued healing,

Julie Beem

Connie and Julie,

I contacted Faith by email but she doesn't deal with adults except as parents. Just for luck I dialed Mary's number, and not only did she answer but she was extremely generous with her time (she must have given me at least a quarter hour) and answered every last question I had. I just have to post about it here because Mary's help went well beyond what I was expecting and I am extremely grateful because she answered many questions I was unable to resolve anywhere else and is extremely knowledgeable as well. I want to thank everyone who helped me get my questions answered, great work everyone! 

Jeff

Hi Jeff,
Wonderful to know you received answers to your questions and how terrific that you and Mary had your engaging, information conversation. And thank you for sharing your thoughts of your process of reaching out to our members.

Such a beautiful aspect of our community  on ACEs Connection. Truly an exceptional place to learn, share, heal and hope together!

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