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Family Secrets, Part 1, Unspeakable Truths (www.wbur.org)

 

Family secrets.

Unspeakable truths.

These are topics those of us with adverse childhood experiences contend with in childhood and as adults. Often.

Some researchers argue that it's suppression and secrecy that burdens the body, can be toxic and part of the reason some of us get sick. It's one of the reasons writing can improve health. With writing, we can sometimes unburden the body of secrets without having confrontations before ready.

Secrets are talked about in this Dear Sugar podcast which is a co-production with Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond. They speak as beautifully and openly as they write about them. And they are both are fearless and gifted writers as well.

They share some of the secrets they lived with growing up. They get input from the author, Kathryn Harrison, as well, who wrote The Kiss.

The entire episode is gripping.

Some of the advice was unexpected but always empowered.

They go beyond the surface and the sensationalism often overabundant when the topic is secrets. They discuss the real ways that living with secrets and/or disclosing them is freeing, painful and complex.

These were the kinds of conversations I craved and could never find growing up.

It's wonderful that they exist now, on air, online, in writing and sometimes even in real life.

Here's the link: http://www.wbur.org/dearsugar/...r-episode-fifty-nine

 

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Christine Cissy White posted:
Peter Chiavetta posted:

It lends some light for me in understanding the continuation of the relationship between perpetrator and victim. I have always been confused about how the abused can still have love for their perp. This has given me some insight into the complexity of that relationship. 

Can't wait for part II. 

 

Peter: I'm so glad.

It's rare to hear people talking about the many years or decades later implications of disclosure/confrontation/standing in one's experiences and all those nuances.

I think the fact that perps are often in the inner circle makes it so hard whether one has little, no or lots of contact. There is often grief and lots of consequences and repercussions with other family members almost no matter what.

Which can make for one complicated healing journey....

Cissy

Cissy,

I have to be vague with my comment because I am in a small community.  Through many years (40+) of hear say and off the wall comments, I have been able to piece together of a perp that brings young men into his circle.  Now as adult men, they still are close to this aging man. I am just starting to understand the complexity of the following. My fear is that some  have been taught the ways of grooming the innocent and partake when on their retreats together.  Helpless to take action because I have no one that will come forward. Even the ones that have had the sense to be revolted by the notion when stricken by the perps attempts.

 

Peter Chiavetta posted:

It lends some light for me in understanding the continuation of the relationship between perpetrator and victim. I have always been confused about how the abused can still have love for their perp. This has given me some insight into the complexity of that relationship. 

Can't wait for part II. 

 

Peter: I'm so glad.

It's rare to hear people talking about the many years or decades later implications of disclosure/confrontation/standing in one's experiences and all those nuances.

I think the fact that perps are often in the inner circle makes it so hard whether one has little, no or lots of contact. There is often grief and lots of consequences and repercussions with other family members almost no matter what.

Which can make for one complicated healing journey....

Cissy

Robert Olcott posted:

My Congresswoman, Anne McLane Kuster, recently acknowledged her sexual assault at Dartmouth-as an undergraduate-about 40 years ago. It appeared recently in our local "Valley News" newspaper, and noted her advocacy. I have appreciated all of her advocacy in Congress, and hope her re-election goes favorably. I don't know if she is a member of the Congressional Recovery Caucus, but I believe she would be a good ally there, as well.

Disclosure is still so important. As Cheryl Strayed said in the podcast, the stigma isn't as much on abuse, which is sadly common - it's on speaking about it. There's still stigma there. This is starting to change and it's helped by those like your congresswoman. Times are at least changing... Thanks for commenting. She does sound like a strong ally.

My Congresswoman, Anne McLane Kuster, recently acknowledged her sexual assault at Dartmouth-as an undergraduate-about 40 years ago. It appeared recently in our local "Valley News" newspaper, and noted her advocacy. I have appreciated all of her advocacy in Congress, and hope her re-election goes favorably. I don't know if she is a member of the Congressional Recovery Caucus, but I believe she would be a good ally there, as well.

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