Client: “If I forgive them, it will be as if I were condoning what they did.”
Therapist: Don’t confuse forgiveness with excusing. To condone means to “let pass without punishment.” You are not being asked to ignore their behavior, but to forgive them for doing it. “Hate the sin, not the sninner. Seperate the act from the actor, Differentiate the person from the circumstance. ” Hating people poisons our lives and does not have much of an effect on them in the end, anyway.
Client: “Why should I give them the satisfaction of forgiving them?”
Therapist: Are you living your life in terms of depriving others of their ‘satisfaction’? That cannot be a very gratifying lifestyle for you, and it doesn’t deprive them of anything. It’s a game you’re playing with yourself. You can choose to stop playing it anytime you want. You can free yourself to live your life on more realistic terms. Besides you don’t have to tell them you did it.
[For more of this story, written by Aaron Karmin, go to http://blogs.psychcentral.com/anger/2015/05/i-want-revenge-finding-forgiveness/]
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