Sixty years ago this summer I told. My parents fought to have my perpetrator removed from the organization - to no avail. They were accused of being the ones with the problem because they could not forgive, forget and move on. Thank God, my parents did move on. They left that group. Their belief in me and their sacrificial actions gave me the foundation to thrive.
However, the abuse became flesh and dwelt inside me and for decades I suffered great gynecological problems. Recent studies link childhood sexual abuse to ob/gyn problems, the most recent one here: https://doi.org/10.1093/humrep/dey248.
I am giving this background to say this: In faith communities, the tendency is to think that issues like anxiety, depression and risk taking (which are often the result of ACEs) are things that a survivor can overcome by being more spiritual. Which, of course, implies that there is something wrong with a survivor's spiritual life if they can't be an overcomer.
However, what about the life-long effects of ACEs, backed by research, that impact a person's body like mine did? I would like to see faith communities understand that piety has its place in helping survivors cope with what happened to them but it is not going to reverse endometriosis any more than it is going to replace a severed limb. Awareness of the physical effects that abuse can cause could be a first step for those in the pew coming to understand the other, less visible physical effects that impact a survivor like the chemical imbalances that result in what faith groups have traditionally (and erroneously) labeled as spiritual problems: anxiety, depression, etc.
After I was sexually abused by my parents' missionary colleague, I attended an abusive boarding school which is featured in the documentary All God's Children, the film. Twenty five years ago, in Pittsburgh, my brothers and I, along with two sisters from another family, staged the first public protest of abuse in a Protestant denomination. I work with a non-profit, MK Safety Net, to ensure that victims who were abused as missionary kids (MKs) know they are believed and understood. I speak in churches and at conferences across the country about abuse in religious settings, raising awareness of not only the problem of abuse but the problems in how it is addressed once it happens.
I thank God that my parents and my home church championed me. I am also thankful for the ACEsConnection and for this community. "If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one," Mitch Garabedian said in the movie Spotlight about the abuse of kids by priests in Boston. My hope is that, together, we can be lights in our places of worship for those among us who have been wounded.
If you care to learn more about my life as an MK and about how my abuse impacted me across my lifespan, my memoir is available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Things-...aps%2C174&sr=8-2
Feel free to email me here: diannesmemoir@yahoo.com
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