Puzzle Pieces

Carey-

Thanks for your kind words and feedback. 

I also wholeheartedly agree that when those of us in recovery are ready it is very important to give voice to our trauma in meetings. My experience has been when I share in a general way in meetings about my trauma, more in-depth conversations after the meeting have developed and opened up avenues for relationships and community. 

I loved how you beautifully stated the cycle of trauma, shame, addiction, recovery, shame, relapse etc. I think for some of use it is so clear as we look back over our lives and recovery, for others either they haven't reached that clarity or the waters are a bit muddier. It would have been easy for me to point the finger at my family history of Alcoholism and call it a day, but deep down I knew that I was drinking to not be present in my life, I needed to know the connection. 

I look forward to future conversations. As I said in my post, I feel like this is a "concept overlooked too often", let's bring a voice to it.

Lara -

Thank you for this piece. It will resonate with a lot of people, I believe. 

I also believe that it is a very good thing for those of us in recovery to talk about trauma in meetings, be they meetings for people recovering from addiction or co-addiction (being affected by relationships with people who have issues with drugs, alcohol, self-defeating behaviors.)

It has been my experience that talking about trauma opens the door to the “why” of addiction for a lot of people. For many, it is freeing. This is not a pass, an excuse, a “gimme.” It is the truth that childhood trauma sets people up to need to escape the pain or to recreate the pain. Sometimes we do both! Talking about that is healing for the group member, and that is the most important thing as it may prevent a relapse and MORE trauma. But it also helps others connect trauma and addiction. And since trauma and addiction have so much shame, guilt, and self-hatred slopped in there together, connecting trauma and addiction can ultimately help us separate the trauma from the addiction, as in the trauma sets us up for addiction, but now that we are adults and are safe, we don’t have to be afraid, and to go back to self-defeating behaviors to mask the fear. This again, goes back to root cause, which is especially important for people in programs such as Al Anon, where a mantra is, “You didn’t cause it. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it,” with regard to the addictions and addictive behaviors of others. 

I hope this makes sens. I am not a therapist; I have just researched, studied, and written about breaking cycles of addiction and abuse for two decades, and have had, and continue to have, some “aha” moments along the way.

The bottom line? Thanks for writing about parenting and addiction; trauma and recovery, and how challenging parenting can be when one has a history of trauma and addiction. Truth heals. Community heals. And there is community everywhere - 12-step programs live and in person and via phone and the Internet, the Parenting with ACEs and Resilience communities here on ACEs Connection, and many other resources these groups can recommend. We are lucky to live in a time when there is so much available to help us learn about trauma, addiction, regulating the brain and building resilience, parenting, and re-parenting.