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Seeing Sons’ Violent Potential, but Finding Little Help or Hope

[Photo: Taylor Glascock, NYTimes]

Lena and Robert Serpico knew something was not right before their son was in kindergarten. They had taken him and his younger brother in as foster children from a mother who used drugs, and they later adopted both. The older boy, whose name is not being published at the Serpicos’ request, was restless and impulsive from the beginning and got his first diagnosis at age 4: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

He began taking Ritalin in elementary school and seemed to improve. He was able to sit still for longer periods in class. He did much of his schoolwork, played baseball, starred as a sprinter in seventh grade and eventually picked up the guitar. He was fun to be around, and still can be. “He’s got a great sense of humor, once he gets started,” said his father, who owns a business here.

Yet in eighth grade, around the time he had his first girlfriend, his moods darkened, and he began hinting that he wanted to kill himself. “He just got sad and started going in his room,” his younger brother, 14, said.

He made his first suicide attempt at age 14, swallowing a handful of sleep-aid pills. He began cutting himself on occasion and announced plans for a second suicide attempt on a social media site, showing a picture of his arms with scars.


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If you limp, we see your leg hurts. If you are violent, depressed or suicidal, why is it the medical, educational and criminal justice system don't see someone in pain? We have enough information about the attachment problems experienced by adopted and foster care kids. We know about developmental trauma, that combination of insecure attachment and toxic stress. We know that even the most seemingly benign traditional parenting methods can be disconnecting and potentially damaging to healthy development. We now know that stress in a parent can cause genetic changes as well as changes to the brain in utero - so how can we say it's all on the child and their 'choices'? Drugs, therapy, jail, is that all we have to offer? No! Come to Echo Parenting & Education's Changing the Paradigm conference March 5 & 6, 2015, to catch Dr. Bessel van der Kolk speaking on developmental trauma, Heather Forbes on the attachment issues of adopted and foster kids, and how our nonviolent approach to child raising can help heal the wounds.

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