Skip to main content

Self-care is not participating when you don’t want to.


There is power in standing up for yourself and sticking to your personal boundaries regarding how you participate in life as a trauma survivor. I hate the constant barrage of showing up because of obligation. Fuck that. I mean, when I think about the fact that people will shame you over not doing something that you don’t want to do, I get irate. I think about how many times in our lives that we are put in the position of showing up due to social constructs, and I want to smash my face into the wall. You don’t owe anyone your time or sanity.

I implore you to please take care of yourself over the next few weeks starting today. The number one thing that people healing trauma can do is to say no or to say nothing at all. You don’t have to go to family gatherings and events where past abusers are present. You don’t have to go to work get-togethers because you are in recovery, and Tom can’t have just one drink. You don’t have to go to the hundreds of things you are invited to. Why? Because you are a goddamn adult, and you have the choice here. No one is going to force you into a car, to put the key in the ignition, drop the gear to D, and hit the road. If I’m wrong about that, we have much more severe problems on our hands.

Creating agency as a trauma survivor

Look, here is the deal. We are used to putting our needs secondary as CPTSD survivors. At some point, our needs got put on the back burner as a survival mechanism. That is OK. We can acknowledge that. However, as we move forward, we must follow our gut instinct and listen to what our soul tells us. If everything in you is screaming, don’t go, then don’t go. And don’t tell me that it’s easy said than done because you are in control. Y-O-U.

You have the power here, and look, I know that is scary, but it’s true. You can step into your personal boundaries, and your right as a human being is that you only have to do what you want to do. I trust that the truth of our healing journey recognizes that we are allowed to have agency in our lives.

I challenge you to continue to double-down on your personal boundaries and your right to say no. Hell, start today. No law states you must suffer through another family thanksgiving with your narcissistic mother, verbally abusive step-father, racist grandmother, or anyone in between. Today, if you need to say no, please say no. Order Pad Thai; it’s better than turkey anyway.

Until next time my friend…

Be Unbroken,


P.S. You can take my brand new 1-hour course: The Key to Healing for FREE. Click




Online Courses

Add Comment

Copyright © 2020, ACEsConnection. All rights reserved.
Link copied to your clipboard.