The Method For Gaining All You Want From Loss

 

You may not be ready to hear this, but if you are, the message is sure to be healing: Sooner or later you will have to lose all hope in gaining any real or lasting happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction from any worldly condition. 

When this level of loss happens we plunge into depression, not realizing that this loss heralds the greatest gain of all.  For, just because you finally realize that you cannot gain any lasting happiness from any worldly condition, that does not mean that you cannot gain lasting happiness.  Lasting happiness, in fact, emerges as you let go of your dependency on worldly conditions for it.

Every loss essentially sends you back to yourself.  From looking to the outer to save you from your feeling of neediness, you now turn your inner discomfort or pain back upon itself for relief.  You accept it.  You embrace it. 

Encountering and embracing emotional suffering becomes an act of perfect love for yourself.  As you shift from seeking love from another to giving love to yourself you free your energy from the internal pattern that produces your suffering, and this allows your energy to flow into your natural state of joy and love, into a state of fulfillment and wholeness that feels perfect.

When it seems that someone has taken from you something or someone that you hold as sacred, something or someone that feels irreplaceable, it feels like a part of your soul, that a part of your very self has been stolen.  This is what the young child experiences when the parents that he counts on for his physical and emotional sustenance disappoint him, failing to provide him with what he feels that he truly needs.  The child feels left out, abandoned, discarded as a part of himself remains with the parents that he entrusted with care for his heart and his soul.  We can go a lifetime trying in vain to retrieve that lost part of oursleves from someone else, someone we unconsciously enlist to act in the role of a surrogate parent by giving our deepest trust to that person.

God or the universe can seem to be that thief, as when an act of nature kills someone we love with all the depths of our being.  The only way to recover from such a loss is to let go of who and what you can no longer have.  The devastation of such a loss is leading us to lose faith in depending upon any earthly condition for real, lasting happiness.  When this act of release takes place we can look back at our loss as a gift-offering of perfect enlightenment and liberation. 

The enlightenment occurs on two levels: the enlightenment of darkness and the enlightenment of light.  

The enlightenment of darkness refers to the fact that no condition in the physical world offers sustainable states of happiness; that, in fact, the more you count on any physical or external condition for happiness the more unhappiness and pain you are destined for.  

The enlightenment of light refers to the realization that you do not need any worldly condition for love and happiness; that true joy and perfect love are experienced as you release your attachment to all worldly conditions.

The liberation that then takes place upon this release is the liberation of your True Self that remains essentially untouched and unharmed by worldly conditions, a powerful state of joy that sees only love and perfection in all that is, all that was, and all that can ever be. 

From this point of liberation on every moment of life is cherished and treasured for the perfection that truly is.  There are no more efforts to create life or other people in our mental image. We stop trying to use life and other people to protect us from our unhappiness because we no longer give any person or situation outside of ourselves the power to make us happy or unhappy.  We experience the intrinsic, compassionate love of the universe and our of intrinsic joyfulness within it.

Ultimately, this enlightenment and liberation awakens within us a deep and abiding sense of compassion for all who suffer, as we understand what they are going through.  Even those who express anger toward us receive from us only patient understanding and compassion as we recognize that what drives their attack is their futile attempt to make the world give them happiness.  They have not yet gone through enough suffering to finally recognize the fact that they cannot count on anyone or anything outside of themselves for the love, fulfillment and happiness that they crave. They are still struggling to win a futile fight against reality, trying to get others to come through for them in ways that others do not have the power to do for them.  We can undestand their suffering because we have gone through it, having descended to the ultimate depths of our inner pain where we let go and found our joy .

Trying to get anyone to change in anyway is a symptom of depending upon the outer world to make us happy.  We have to experience the pain of not being able to do that until we finally accept the utter futility of the effort.  For instance, no matter how deeply you love another and want that person to be yours, you cannot keep that person the way that you want that person to be.  

One of the ways that we cause our suffering is by striving to win another’s love by pleasing that other.  This is a form of unconscious manipulation where we are trying to get something by appearing to give something.  The love we are trying to get by portraying ourselves as the person the other person wants must elude us.  That other person must demand more and more and routinely find fault with our best efforts to please, to find excuses for not feeling the love we are trying to demonstrate. As long as we strive to please another for that person's love we attract others who are seeking their love from us.  Neither of us can give the other what the other needs. 

People go from relationship to relationship seeking someone else to give them what only they themselves can give themselves.  When we feel utterly devastated by the loss of an intimate relationship, it is because we were expecting the outer to give us the inner fulfillment, love and happiness we crave.  When we lose all hope of ever getting from another what we have been looking for throughout our entire life, we are on the threshold of finding it.

What hurts most when we go through loss is the devastation of the personal ego.  This is because we take our wins and losses personally.  We pride ourselves on our ability to control circumstances and make things turn out the way we want them.  We take pride in ourselves when we temporarily win another’s heart, when we momentarily see our position in life as more advantageous than another’s. 

It is this state of pride that gets shattered when we finally come to the conclusion that we can never make life conform to our desires for long.  We feel powerless and undeserving when we do not get our way, and this causes a panic.  In terror we reach out to others or try to get our way, to avoid the feeling of being utterly unworthy and unloved, but this effort must inevitably fail.

Letting go of the need to take pride in ourselves, letting go of all mental images of ourselves and of all attempts to live up to a mental image, lets our true perfection shine in a flood of inner joy.  When you stop depending upon outer conditions and accomplishments as your source for self-worth, love and happiness you lose the need to prove yourself; you free the joy of freely being yourself.

As we use The Method (The Method is a process for recovering our energy from entrapment in trauma patterns of dysregulation) to release our energy from experiences of loss, we liberate our joy from painful internal reactions and lose only the false sense of dependency that drives us into futile efforts. We experience the beautiful perfection of ourselves and of the way all truly is.

Contact me to schedule your demonstration of The Method to release your joy from emotional pain and limiting beliefs.      

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Great article Bob, thanks. Though reaching that state of enlightenment and liberation is a lot of internal work and I am glad that slowly reaching there. Loved this 

One of the ways that we cause our suffering is by striving to win another’s love by pleasing that other.  This is a form of unconscious manipulation where we are trying to get something by appearing to give something.  The love we are trying to get by portraying ourselves as the person the other person wants must elude us.

Letting go of trying to win love by pretending and becoming what I was not have released a lot of internal energy and feel more alive. 

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