Why Do Breakups Hurt Some People More Than Others? [HuffingtonPost.com]

Breakups aren’t easy for anyone, but have you ever noticed that some people seem to cope with them better than others? While some who’ve loved and lost are barely able to get out of bed, others appear to bounce back immediately. Of course, every relationship is unique, and when one ends, we can expect our emotions to reflect the specific circumstances. However, certain people have the inherent tendency to suffer from romantic loss more than others, and research suggests that this might have something to do with our attachment style.

Our attachment style is formed early in our lives between us and our influential caretakers. These attachment patterns become internal working models that affect how we relate as adults in our romantic relationships. Securely attached children grow up feeling “safe, seen and soothed,” according to Dr. Daniel Siegel, co-author of Parenting from the Inside Out. Insecure attachments can lead a child to one of three other attachment styles: avoidant, anxious or disorganized. To understand how attachment style can influence a break up, it’s helpful to know a little bit about each of these categories of attachment.

Avoidant Attachment: An avoidant attachment can form when a parent is emotionally unavailable. Children in this environment often learn that the best way to get their basic needs met is to act like they don’t have any. As an adult, they may form a dismissive avoidant attachment with a romantic partner, in which they have the tendency to act aloof or resistant to closeness.