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Parenting with PACEs. PACEs science & stories. Trauma-informed change.

November 2016

ACE Member Discount 18th Annual Families and Fathers National Conference Limited

I am sharing a 20% discount and that U.S. OCSE as well as trauma experts are actively participating with a special series on March 1st at the 18th Annual Families & Fathers National Conference, "Never Giving Up - Breakthrough 2017", will be hosted by Fathers & Families Coalition of America from February 27 - March 3, 2017 in Los Angeles, CA. Early Bird Registration is now open with full event, two-day or one-day options for individuals to customize their training. The focus of this...

Call for Abstracts for 2017 National Conference on Health and Domestic Violence in SF, CA

2017 National Conference on Health and Domestic Violence Call for abstracts is now open! Due Friday, January 13, 2017. Pre-Conference Institutes: Tuesday, September 26th, 2017 Two Day Conference: September 27th-28th, 2017 Marriott Marquis, San Francisco, California Every two years the National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence hosts the National Conference on Health and Domestic Violence. The conference highlights the latest research and promising practices to advance the health...

Single Mother Seeks to Give Daughter the Peace That Eluded Her [NYTimes.com]

Above the simple gray churches along a dimly lit section of Detroit, the brooding eyes of Lil Wayne, who was covered in chains and holding a bottle of Hennessy, peered from a billboard in the rough neighborhood where India Wayman grew up. Her childhood had been fraught with traumatic experiences. Her father was violent and inconsistent, Ms. Wayman said, and she was bullied at school. A social worker visited her home when she was 12. “Take her, we don’t need her here anymore,” Ms. Wayman, now...

Traces of Times Lost How childhood memories shape us, even after we've forgotten them (www.atlantic.com)

Note: This article isn't as much about epigenetics or attachment as I thought it might be. Although this one quote below is pretty powerful. As it turns out, the childhood memories we lose remain with us—albeit in a different form, as the underpinnings of our morality and instincts. This is what attachment theory supposes, says Robyn Fivush, the director of the Family Narratives Lab in the psychology department at Emory University. Infants who receive sensitive and responsive caregiving grow...

Mothers in Prison (www.nytimes.com)

Though the language of ACEs aren't used in this piece, so much of it is about parenting with ACEs. For the parents who are in prison, as adults and the children they once were as well as the impact being in prison has on their children. E xcerpt 1: TULSA, Okla. — The women’s wing of the jail here exhales sadness. The inmates, wearing identical orange uniforms, ache as they undergo withdrawal from drugs, as they eye one another suspiciously, and as they while away the days stripped of...

The Complexities of Gratitude (www.beatingtrauma.com)

It’s November. And in the United States, that means the focus has shifted from spooky and scary stuff to family and gratitude. For survivors of trauma, there’s nothing scarier than family and gratitude. I have discussed the triggers coming from the endless Hallmark commercials focusing on family, but today, I will discuss gratitude. But I want to start with a caveat. I get the importance of gratitude. I get the power of manifestation that it brings. I am not discounting that. My goal is to...

Answers to Commonly Asked Questions about Addiction (www.thefix.com)

Many of us have struggled with addiction and/or lived with and loved people who are. Maybe addiction impacted our lives as children, adults or both. Maybe we know a lot about addiction or are still learning. This a rticle is written in Q&A format by a writer at The Fix with lived experience. Here's an excerpt. How do genetics play a role? Why do some people in the same family become addicts while others don’t? That is the $60-million-dollar question. Science cannot provide a definitive...

Why Kids Need Recess (www.theatlantic.com)

In Florida, a coalition of parents known as “the recess moms” has been fighting to pass legislation guaranteeing the state’s elementary-school students at least 20 minutes of daily free play. Similar legislation recently passed in New Jersey, only to be vetoed by the governor, who deemed it “stupid.” When, you might ask, did recess become such a radical proposal? In a survey of school-district administrators, roughly a third said their districts had reduced outdoor play in the early 2000s.

Column: Studies pinpoint how stress from parental discord physically damages kids [CentralMaine.com]

Here at the Kids First Center, an agency whose mission is to lessen the negative impact of divorce and parental separation on kids, we talk with parents every day who are dealing with one of the most stressful life events they will ever encounter. They worry about how they’ll get through the next week, month or year, and they worry about the long-term effects of their decisions on the kids. What do we tell parents? Keep your kids out of the middle and away from prolonged conflict. It’s not...

The Holidays Can Be Hard

The holidays can be hard for many of us parenting with ACEs. This time last year I found out my estranged father died. It was such a relief. For months, I kept thinking, "I love having a dead Dad." And I know it's not a thought most people have had. But for my whole life I carried my father's life like a question I could not answer. Even though I had not seen him regularly, for decades, I never stopped wondering about his life, his absence and his own childhood. We never stop being related...

Why I Put my Drug-Affected Daughter Back on Drugs (www.brainchildmag.com)

Note: This essay is written by Melissa Hart. She is a parent with ACEs parenting a child with ACEs. I look around at the life we’ve created for her—the bedroom full of books and dress-up clothes and musical instruments, the photos on the wall of our family vacations to tropical beaches and wildflower mountains and national parks. I fight an urge to shake her little shoulders and stare into her big brown hostile eyes and yell, “Why can’t you just be happy?” But I don’t . . . because I know...

What to Do When You Lose Your Cool at Your Daughter (www.motheringanddaughtering.com)

The mother mentor in my life told me about this mother-daughter duo a few years ago. I checked out Sil and Eliza Roberts but their written words didn't resonate with me at the time. They seemed too wealthy or healthy or happy or capable. I just couldn't relate to them. I couldn't imagine mothers and daughters speaking this way, at all, never mind with one another.Plus, they weren't talking about trauma, loss or adversity or the struggles of people with addiction, disease or ACEs in the past...

To Your Health A 7-year-old told her bus driver she couldn’t wake her parents. Police found them dead at home.

I see ACEs everywhere now and I think about them all of the time. I think about them in relation to the children reported on in this article but also in relation to the parents. It's disturbing to picture a child of any age finding a parent incapacitated or dead. And there are several examples of that in this story (so be warned). But what's missing is talk about why there is so much drug use, abuse, overdose and even death. There is hardly any mention of why so many people are addicted to...

A Large Proportion of California Parents Were Abused as Children [Slate.com]

A new survey has found that 1 in 5 California adults cohabitating with children were physically abused in their youth. One in 10 report having been sexually abused as children. Accurate data is essential to interventions in cycles of abuse. It’s difficult to get solid numbers on child abuse, since so much goes unreported, and child welfare advocates will sometimes file neglect reports to remove children from dangerous situations with allegations that are easier to prove . The data was...

Passive/Public Parenting Education

It seems to me that if we want to reduce adverse childhood experiences we must work to improve the quality of parenting in communities. Visit advancingparenting.org to learn about a small nonprofit organization pioneering passive/public parenting education. Our plan is to 1) employ increasingly impactful media to display the parenting tips (appealing school age spokespersons presenting them on conventional and electronic billboards and semi trailers), and 2) expand geographically until...

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