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PACEs in the Faith-Based Community

Before coming to Intermountain, I spent a little over 15 years in children’s and youth ministry in the local church setting. For 8 years I was the youth minister at a small church in Southwest Washington, and most recently spent 7 ½ years at a larger church as an associate pastor. In both roles, I was looked to as the “expert,” or at the very least the one who was responsible for the church’s outreach to families, children, and youth. I hope I added a lot to those ministries I served, as I know I learned a great deal from those experiences and the people I served alongside.


One aspect of ministry to families always bedeviled me, if you’ll allow me that term! Most of what I did in ministry and programming, and most of the training, materials, and resources available, seemed geared towards children and families that simply didn’t exist! Well, maybe they existed somewhere, but the children and families I encountered in ministry were unsatisfied by the rehearsed answers to the standard questions. More than that, nothing and nobody had prepared me to meet the individualized needs of families that had issues of depression, attachment, self-abuse, learning disabilities, or special needs. I found myself, like other ministers I suspect, doing my best… trying hard, but ultimately feeling like I had failed these families who had come to me and to the church for help, understanding, and mostly… Hope!


Growing up the younger brother of a family member struggling with terminal illness, and a parent of a medical-special needs child today, I am especially sensitive to the special needs that families like ours have when desiring to integrate into a faith community. A strange catch-22 takes place… the family realizes they don’t quite “fit the mold” and come into a church or fellowship with low expectations about the accommodations that might be made for them. The church staff and volunteers, likely overwhelmed and underequipped, mean well but often don’t understand the challenges these families face and don’t know how to lovingly ask the right questions that would facilitate better integration. Often, a parent or sibling might be asked to always be present to attend to the needs of a child of special needs… not providing that parent or sibling the chance to be ministered to themselves.


This common occurrence attributes to the statistic that I often hear cited regarding families that are working with some sort of special need—90% just don’t come to church, youth group, small group… whatever.


I believe the foundation for ministering to these families is a heart for the challenges these families face and their need for the same thing that likely drew you to God—a desire for hope. Hope that things could get better and that someone might understand. Hope that our children could be raised up with other children that shared their values and view of the world. Hope that the grace, understanding, and compassion shown to others might be extended to them and their hurts, as well.


I’d love to hear from you! I’d like to hear what you’re doing to meet the challenges of the kids and families that come to your with special concerns or needs. I’d also like to hear about your frustrations or expressed needs—just where and how do you feel you need to be better equipped? I am hoping for a give and take, a sharing of ideas, and a growing together as we seek God’s best for ALL his children.


Sincerely and humbly,


Chaplain Chris Haughee

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Chris, I understand what  you are saying. My expertise is in ministering children from divorce and single parent homes. For years I ran a therapeutic child care in OK. I had no church to send these families to because churches just didn't understand what was needed. Parents would say, "why should I go to church? I just get called out to deal with my own child so I might as well stay home."

Thankfully more and more special needs ministries are cropping up now. However, church leaders and volunteers still have not received training in knowing how to minister and accommodate children in crisis and family trauma. That's where I come in. The Lord has opened the door to allow me to speak at various events around the country. This fall I'll be speaking at LifeWay KidMin Conference and the D6 conference. I'm praying other opportunities come up because I have a lot to say in this area. What we have been doing with these kids hasn't been working but there are now new techniques that do work. 

Thanks for getting the discussion up and going.

Linda Ranson Jacobs

blog.dc4k.org

I agree with you, Chris!  There are so very many people hurting that the generic sermons just don't reach them.  We have to get out and serve the hurting people like Jesus did.   We started a ministry that we are waiting for 501c3 status for, called Lapeer P.E.A.R.L.S. (Prevent. Educate. Advocate. Restore. Love. Support) that is faith based, using Matthew 18:10 Beware that you don't look down on any of these little ones.  For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.    Our mission is to share the love of Christ as we help prevent child sexual abuse and provide a safe, healing environment for survivors through education, support, and events.  
Through our Church we offer to pray for survivors and caregivers of child survivors on a regular basis via Prayer Warriors.  We also offer a monthly dinner for these families to attend and are trying to expand to include other churches so that these families can have dinner and be surrounded and ministered to every week in a different location.  We started a new support group for caregivers of child survivors - in other words, single parents or other caregivers who are fighting in court to rescue their child(ren) from a perpetrator or fighting to keep their child(ren) safe.   We also refer adult survivors to a support group specifically for them to help in their own healing process from CSA. 
In addition to the above, my husband and I partnered with Darkness to Light  to become trained Facilitators of their Stewards of Children program.  We have been slowly getting the word out about the benefits of this training, and are excited about those we have trained so far.  One is the director of a Christian camp who is planning on having us train his staff and volunteers.  We have met with two pastors who are looking forward to taking the training so that they can help make a difference in their Churches by implementing better policies to keep children safe.  We have several more meetings coming up with groups of Pastors in our county to get them involved in the Stewards of Children program as well as provide support to survivors & caregivers.
Our Church, the Valley church of Christ in Burton MI is having a seminar on June 7th from 9:30am-Noon.  The speaker is a Preacher from Pennsylvania who will be sharing his own experience as the son of a pedophile as well as talking about how this pedophile was able to deceive everyone in their church and sexually abuse the children there, and what we as Christians should be doing to prevent this from continuing to happen.   I don't have the flyer yet, but will post it as soon as it becomes available to me. 

Praising God for opening eyes and hearts to the epidemic of abuse of many kinds.  ACES are extremely prevalent everywhere and we can't afford to be blind to them any longer, or to allow them to continue to happen to more children!

God bless you in your work!
Jeanie King,
Founder & Director of LAPEER P.E.A.R.L.S.

www.lapeerpearls.org

facebook & twitter: Lapeer Pearls

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