Resilience: A Conversation

Christine Cissy White 5/22/196:32 AM

Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz and I were having an exchange on social media about the word resilience.

It went on and on. It lasted days.

And days.

It started on Twitter, moved to Facebook, and then crossed over to text messaging.

There was no last word, no meet-in-the-middle moment or any kind of closure.

Just confusion. Rebecca suggested we dive deeper, face to face, via a Zoom conversation to be shared on ACEs Connection.

We wanted to know why some recoil at or reject the use (overuse) of the word resilience (me) while others find it the hopeful and healing and central (Rebecca).

The point wasn't to debate with, present to, or convince one another. The point was to have a conversation and understand each other better. To connect and stay curious, if not get totally clear.

And that's what we did.

Click here for the recorded conversation.

URL link: https://zoom.us/recording/play...6D?continueMode=true

Here's the social media post that sparked the exchange.

Here's a link Harvard's Center on the Developing Child that Rebecca mentioned.

Here's an ACEs Too High story on resilience and resilience surveys.

Here's a video conversation between Dr. Mollie Marti and Lisa Cherry that I think might resonate with Rebecca (and me).

Please share your comments, responses, reactions and any resources or conversations you find interesting, informative, or insightful.

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Laura PinheyMember

I'm so impressed that you two took this conversation to Zoom and agreed to post it here. I learned a lot from listening to you both and I hope you'll post more episodes of what I hear has been dubbed the "Cissy and Rebecca Show". Maybe you'll start an ACN trend!

When you posted the original "We Can Do It!" meme, I saw it on social media and ever since have been meaning to stop by and say I love it. It struck a nerve with me. Sometimes suggesting that people with a history of trauma simply build their resilience can sound a bit insulting, like all the "Smile!", "It could be worse ...", and "Suck it up, buttercup" platitudes rolled into one.

Recently I was told that [insert shockingly high percentage that I can't recall right now] of people with an ACEs score of two or more have disordered attachment. Until a person with wrecked attachment gets help healing that, they can do yoga and practice mindfulness all day and still only rustle up so much resilience.

To me, the meme is referring to basic unmet needs resulting from (with the exception of attachment) social inequities. And, come to think of it, poor attachment can be an indirect result of social inequities. Until we resolve those inequities, resilience is a moot point.

Still, I believe that everything we can do to help ourselves matters. I don't dismiss resilience practices because I know that even if they have not cured or healed or solved my difficulties stemming from a history of childhood trauma, they've made it easier to cope, improved my overall health and well-being, and given me a much-needed sense of control. I want that for everyone, trauma survivors and otherwise.

5/28/195:40 PM