This is a great comment and I personally went through the same process. The anger and disappointment I felt was hard to process, especially because the traumatic events still weren't known to my family (and still aren't). Fortunately, I have an extremely supportive husband and a friend I could trust to talk things out with them. Having a psychologist and a psychiatrist was also so important for my personal growth. Years later, I now only see a psychologist and I no longer see her every month. Getting through it didn't happen in a linear way, but I began by trying my hardest to do all the things my brain needed: eating healthy, exercising, challenging my negative thoughts (especially those about myself), and learning many other strategies that worked for me.
I think Philippe said it best - once you realize what has happened to you and why you are "the way you are", the feeling of loss of identity is paramount. Start there. Begin actively thinking, and maybe writing down, things about yourself that are true to you. I like to journal and write down my negative thoughts and then compare them to the primary cognitive distortions (All-or-Nothing Thinking, Jumping to Conclusions - Future Telling, etc). It was a safe way to call myself out.
Start being honest about how you feel to those around you, even if you receive backlash at first because they have years of amo to use against you and show you "who you really are". Understand their perspective but stay true to yourself. I often responded with, "yeah I used to think that, but not anymore.."
In order to get there, I read certain books and got something life-altering from each of them, including different ways to learn who I really was. Don't give up! You are worth it.
"Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" by Jonice Webb.
"Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melanie Beattie.
"It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self" by Hilary Jacobs Hendel
"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson.