Hi Brian, I hear - and feel for - you. The gradual (or sudden) realization of how you have coped, can be an unsettling and, at times, harrowing experience. I've been walking that rocky road for nearly a decade; but more successfully (and gratefully!) in the past few years, since first learning about ACEs. I'd like to suggest one more place where you might seek insight, advice, and support. If you're on Facebook, the closed group called "Healing Journey for C-PTSD from Developmental Trauma" has been very valuable to me, especially because I finally found a community of ACErs who speak the same 'language.' There are strict posting rules (say, about trigger warnings) and zero tolerance for shaming. I wish you much healing and good health.