I'm a single parent. I adopted my son after he turned 18. He's 28 now. I am just discovering childhood trauma. I thought he had ADHD. He has an ACEs score of 9. And not much in the way of resilience. But very intellectual. I believe he shows signs of developmental trauma, complex ptsd, and an avoidant coping mechanism. He moved back home with me 1 1/2 years ago after entering a methadone program for heroin addiction. He's seeing a substance abuse counselor, but she is not trauma informed. She hadn't heard the term ACEs, and told my son she thought I am codependent. My son is not receptive to the idea that his 18 years of neglect and abuse, and his maladaptive coping mechanisms, are the cause of his struggles. He has basic struggles with ADLs, is easily overwhelmed and frustrated.
Are there articles, books, resources for parenting an adult child of trauma? How do you get them to transition to adulthood? How far do you push him/her? How involved is too involved? What do healthy boundaries in this situation look like? How do you accomplish that without communicating abandonment to them? Any resources would be appreciated.