Hi ACES community,
This is really a personal request for support. I will try to keep this short.
I'm a bodyworker and personal development coach studying/using many somatic and mindfulness healing tools for almost 20 years (TRE, IFS, yoga, meditation, breathwork, dance, voice, massage, NLP, etc), so I'm experienced in completely healing my own traumas from emotionally/physically abusive parents, and minor traumas in clients.
However, recently a repressed memory surfaced, much worse than anything I remembered previously. I've worked on the severe impact of this memory on my nervous system (lots of new dysregulation) for about 16 months... then became pregnant.
I'm very healthy and pro-active yet in this pregnancy there have probably been 4 major days of being hyperaroused/enraged from triggers for hours before dissociating, and several stressed blips of being triggered/toxic stressed for a few minutes and regaining control in this first 4 months of pregnancy.
I'm desperate to avoid negative impact of my stress on my baby. But the main trigger for me is being in family/home, even though my partner is safe. So I can't avoid this now.
** Can consistent daily mindfulness and healing practices neutralize the sporadic moments of dysregulation in developing fetus? Is this irreversibly traumatising for my baby? Do you have any suggestions to minimize the hyperarousal moments that seem to be most out of control to help create a stable environment (basic things like breathwork, walking away from conversation, etc don't work/aren't strong enough)?
Thanks very much for your support.