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I had a hearing yesterday, it didn't go well at all. How is someone who is mentally impaired able to correctly represent themselves in a court of law, especially one who has two severe anxiety disorders? I wasn't allowed to bring in my boyfriend to help me feel safe. I had a teddy bear. How is one with a memory issue and one who is unable to control her own emotions due to the brain not working when under stress from severe childhood abuses and neglect for at least 9 years, supposed to have the resources to possibly even begin to comprehend this? Let alone have no help or support on her side due to lack of knowledge of the disorder in the first place. Not only am I unable to get the help I need thus far, but I feel utterly depleted. 

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First and foremost, I want to say is that I am also sorry for what you went through. As a retired police officer I understand the effects of trauma especially in early childhood years. Dissociate Identity Disorder is also wildly misunderstood. Most only understand the Hollywood version.DID is a direct response to ACE's in early childhood.

I have a dear friend who suffers from DID. She was sexually abuse by her whole family from the age of 2 until she turned 17. Today she is married and has children and no contact with her family. She sees a psychologist a few times a week.Currently, she has uncovered 85 different personalities. Safety is her number priority!

Until the day judges are educated about ACE's and the effects of stress in early childhood your situation will be repeated over and over again. Just understand that there will be a time when this will happen. Just remember what happened to you is not your fault. Continue to seek help and keep your support system near to you.

 

Thank you for your heartfelt response. I agree. Feeling safe is a struggle I deal with most days. I am in the same boat as your friend but no children/not married. Having to cut out the people that abused me as a child was the first step towards my healing. And unfortunately, because of the abuse I sustained as a child, it was easy to get drawn into more and more abusive relationships. Then on top of that,as we know, trauma doesn't just affect the neurobiology of children but physical health as well. She is blessed to have a good friend like you 

There is some hope, California launched the "Aces Aware" initiative. 

And..my hearing was for SSDI/SSI.I was asking for help and I was re-traumatized. 

Samarah M Falemalu posted:

I had a hearing yesterday, it didn't go well at all. How is someone who is mentally impaired able to correctly represent themselves in a court of law, especially one who has two severe anxiety disorders? I wasn't allowed to bring in my boyfriend to help me feel safe. I had a teddy bear. How is one with a memory issue and one who is unable to control her own emotions due to the brain not working when under stress from severe childhood abuses and neglect for at least 9 years, supposed to have the resources to possibly even begin to comprehend this? Let alone have no help or support on her side due to lack of knowledge of the disorder in the first place. Not only am I unable to get the help I need thus far, but I feel utterly depleted. 

I am sooo sorry!!! I get it 100% my gosh I feel fod you. I have been there. Right now the harsh truth is that our legal system still depends on the traumatized victims stiry, testimony AND GROWTH. πŸ˜’ I'm a human trafficking survivor. 65 years old. I speak publiclg now. As you well no  human trafficking survivors are raped and beaten repeatedly. But the one rape that I still have a hard time letting go of is the one when I was gang raped and left for dead in the apple orchard and the police and Healthcare were involved. Their attitude, and the attitude of the prosecutor was, "I had it coming." I never got justice. I was 28 years old. They relied on my testimony, my story, and I was not a good Witness. I was a freaking mess! And that's why I didn't get Justice. It's so backwards! Is there a Rape Crisis Center near you? Like a YWCA? They have Advocates that can walk you through this. I wish I knew how to help you. What I do now in my retirement is speak out and I write. It helps me so much. But I'm finding it's helping others as well. If you'd like to read anything I wrote you can go to my Facebook page titled Ruth Rondon or Ruth Rondon on human trafficking. I have an article here on Aces connection and a lot of them I posted on LinkedIn too. I'm speaking to a legislative committee in January. I'm going to talk about how Aces and human trafficking are connected. Our system needs a complete overhaul when it comes to blaming victims and not realizing the effects of trauma. I have to add though: even in my world of Darkness there was a kind detective who questioned me at the hospital after the apple orchard right. Even today I look back at his patience and concern and I can see how just those few kind words impacted me in a huge way. They are out there. There are people that understand Aces. Even in our justice system. We are living in an era of change. Seek those people out. Surround yourself with your supporters. I am thinking of you.

That is horrible that they treated you that way. I agree that there needs to be an upheaval of our whole system asap. I did call a rape crisis center and they were really understanding and nice. What I would love to do is to assemble to talk about our rights and how to make these changes. Yes high ace scores can lead to; human trafficking, transiency, drug and alcohol use, mental illness, etc...There has beenkindess along the way for me as well, little drops here and there. Those little drops of kindness kept me going, despite the impossible situation I was dealt as a child. How outdated is our court system? It has strong associations with old Christian values. I wonder what happened to separation of church and state? Most likely those men could not admit that what happened to you was wrong, because they themselves were corrupt. 

Samarah M Falemalu posted:

That is horrible that they treated you that way. I agree that there needs to be an upheaval of our whole system asap. I did call a rape crisis center and they were really understanding and nice. What I would love to do is to assemble to talk about our rights and how to make these changes. Yes high ace scores can lead to; human trafficking, transiency, drug and alcohol use, mental illness, etc...There has beenkindess along the way for me as well, little drops here and there. Those little drops of kindness kept me going, despite the impossible situation I was dealt as a child. How outdated is our court system? It has strong associations with old Christian values. I wonder what happened to separation of church and state? Most likely those men could not admit that what happened to you was wrong, because they themselves were corrupt. 

oh man you nailed it. We ARE talking about a sensitive topic and the reasons why many feel uncomfortable could be many reasons. I try not to traumatize folks when I speak out but sometime you can't help it because their own issues are right on the surface and they'll still trying to squash them back inside. I have learned to not take on other people's issues but try to be compassionate at the same time. I think I've come a long way. It looks like you have too. Kudos to us man!! But yea, we are still human and not exempt from being triggered. I had a nightmare just recently and I ended up calling 911. Oh, man!! Looking back, I have to chuckle. My cat and I were both under the bed with my cell phone begging the dispatcher to send someone over.  That was a bad one. Glad it's over. In spite of our mess, we ARE strong. We can do this!! 

Talk about our rights? Yea, I know. I speak out when I can and I give back as much as I can but hey, I have to keep a balance too. I keep myself busy but......I wonder how much longer I can do this. I can write. That's a great out for me. Hugs Samarah!

It's so laughable, but not. the temptation for people to think high Ace scores is equivalent to stupidity. It's psychology 101. It's Elementary.

On the otherhand people have a hard time understanding what having a life riddled with abuse is like. Especially if they have low Ace scores. Even my therapist(who specializes in trauma) has a hard time understanding how much pain I am in all the time. If people have never had a horrific experience, it is hard for them to conceive. 

I am tired of being bullied and I accept it no longer Yes, taking care of ourselves first in order to stand up for ourselves and our rights is priority!  And nightmares are the worst!(drenched in sweat, reexperiencing trauma as a play by play every time the eyes close)

Many many hugs!!! 

I am tired of being bullied and I accept it no longer. I've had to stand up to bullies my whole life, I refuse to be treated as less than. I refuse to be discriminated against because of what happened to me in the past. It is not my fault but the fault of the systems that failed me. And I call them out. 

HI Samarah --  Thank you for opening up this discussion.  I also have a dissociative disorder due to lots of childhood trauma (ACEs). I know that feeling of being alone and unsafe in the 'system'.  I'm sorry that you do too.

Have you heard of the group 'An Infinite Mind'?  It's a great group that works to build better understanding of DDs - and the members are all either survivors with this diagnosis or people who directly support us either personally or professionally.  They have a website aninfinitemind.org and do a conference every year in Orlando.  The first time I went I was amazed at what it felt like to be around so many people who are living their lives with a DD - most of them DID. I wrote a blog about it on ACEsConnection in 2018. I don't know where you live, but the conference is in February and is always really helpful, affirming and safe.  

And thanks for helping us come together to build our advocacy voice and help people and systems understand the impact of ACEs.

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