I am looking for a model of a parenting program that is based in the understanding of trauma and it's effects on behavior.  The prospective attendees will be families who have experienced ACEs, but do not have the knowledge and understanding of the effects of trauma and try to parent from a traditional "discipline" perspective.  The typical behavioral management parenting style.  

Original Post

Hi Elaine:
Speaking as a survivor, parent (via adoption), writer, and advocate, I'd say programs that are survivor and peer-led (or co-led) are best. 

It's not just info. sharing but who is sharing content and how. So often, programs to parents are patronizing, punitive, and can come across as "edupuking" even when meant to be helpful. It's can be like hearing advice on menstrual cramps or hot flashes from men, nutrition tips and weight loss advice from someone who has never struggled with weight, or money talk from someone who has never been poor. Who delivers content and how is a HUGE aspect that isn't addressed enough, in my opinion. To me, If talking and working with parents with lots of ACEs, get content and training and workshops led by parents with lots of ACEs as often as possible, and if that's not possible, work content in from those groups doing that parent and survivor-led work. I think it just makes it safer and more gentle for the listener and also crosses some of the awkwardness and language problems when we're talking as we (all of us) vs. me (as educator) to you (parent or student). I think if we are learning together as peers, it helps. That's not always possible, but I think it makes for idea learning. Parenting experiences, the reality of ACEs, those are super personal and until recently, topics that have been harshly judged an poorly understood so extra efforts to make conversations and content safe and accessible is key. That's my two cents and I hope others share resources and thoughts as well.

Specifically, I think these people/programs/orgs are great:

RISE

Great reminder about what is needed for creating a trauma-informed change.

Father abernathy

The parenting optimist who specializes in bringing people together and who gets how hard, hopeful, necessary it is to work in community.



rebecca

Louise, who always reminds us what is most central and most healing and that sharing powerfully and power-sharing are both absolutely necessary.

Lou

These and other resources are all available in the Parenting with ACEs Community (many from the right sidebar for quick access)

I know there are lots of programs and tools many professionals use such as Near@home, but in this reply, I just shared what I have used and shared parent to parent, survivor to survivor, as someone with 8 ACEs who found that all I learned about attachment as an adoptive parent, was far more healing to my own complex PTSD, than more than a decade plus of evidence-based therapy for PTSD. Understanding what should and shouldn't happen, what does and doesn't happen, because of poverty, ACEs, war, trauma, oppression, adversity - and how each of those and all of those cumulatively impact parents and families - for me, that was a game changer.

Too often, that context is missed. Just as we often used to see kids as "difficult" or "disruptive" who we now understand as overwhelmed by stress or not regulated, we still have a ways to go in understanding adults and parents who are, as Rebecca Lewis Pankratz says, "kids with ACEs who grew up." Sometimes, we forget that regulation may not be known or had, that safety in the environment and the self still might not be the baseline, etc.

There's so much room for so much more. There's new programs, people, and resources I'm sure I don't know about. I hope others share.

And Elaine, please share back what you use, love, have created, found most/least effective. 

Cissy

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Elaine Spicer posted:

I am looking for a model of a parenting program that is based in the understanding of trauma and it's effects on behavior.  The prospective attendees will be families who have experienced ACEs, but do not have the knowledge and understanding of the effects of trauma and try to parent from a traditional "discipline" perspective.  The typical behavioral management parenting style.  

Hi Elaine; The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) website offers empirically based resources for parent/child interventions for children of all ages. Training for Attachment Vitamins, mentioned in a prior response is available via NCTSN. 

Elaine Spicer posted:

I am looking for a model of a parenting program that is based in the understanding of trauma and it's effects on behavior.  The prospective attendees will be families who have experienced ACEs, but do not have the knowledge and understanding of the effects of trauma and try to parent from a traditional "discipline" perspective.  The typical behavioral management parenting style.  

 

Hi Elaine! Thank you for reaching out and for caring so much about the families you work with.

We have been teaching a trauma-informed nonviolent parenting curriculum for a few years now, basing it in attachment, trauma & resilience, nonviolent communication, and survivor wisdom. We conduct these classes in LA, but will soon have the curriculum online. We also do a Train the Trainer which will start in October. Check out our website www.echotraining.org

Feel free to message me if you have questions. And thanks, Cissy, for the shout-out! 

Lou

I oversee several home visiting programs and Parent education programs within 11 rural eastern Oregon counties.  The programs that have been affordable and best me the needs of the parents we serve have been, Your Journey together, the NEAR toolkit, and Conscious Discipline Parent Education have been the most effective for our programs when talking to parents about their trauma.  Your Journey together brings the discussion forward, if you are doing any home visiting the NEAR toolkit is designed just for that purpose.  We have found that we need to close the loop as well now that they have the knowledge of ACEs and Trauma what can they do about it.  That is where the COnscious Discipline Parenting Curriculum helps with actual skills in parenting to self regulate and be able to parent. 

https://centerforresilientchil...ur-journey-together/

https://www.nearathome.org/download/

https://consciousdiscipline.com/

Cissy White (ACEs Connection Staff) posted:

Hi Elaine:
Speaking as a survivor, parent (via adoption), writer, and advocate, I'd say programs that are survivor and peer-led (or co-led) are best. 

It's not just info. sharing but who is sharing content and how. So often, programs to parents are patronizing, punitive, and can come across as "edupuking" even when meant to be helpful. It's can be like hearing advice on menstrual cramps or hot flashes from men, nutrition tips and weight loss advice from someone who has never struggled with weight, or money talk from someone who has never been poor. Who delivers content and how is a HUGE aspect that isn't addressed enough, in my opinion. To me, If talking and working with parents with lots of ACEs, get content and training and workshops led by parents with lots of ACEs as often as possible, and if that's not possible, work content in from those groups doing that parent and survivor-led work. I think it just makes it safer and more gentle for the listener and also crosses some of the awkwardness and language problems when we're talking as we (all of us) vs. me (as educator) to you (parent or student). I think if we are learning together as peers, it helps. That's not always possible, but I think it makes for idea learning. Parenting experiences, the reality of ACEs, those are super personal and until recently, topics that have been harshly judged an poorly understood so extra efforts to make conversations and content safe and accessible is key. That's my two cents and I hope others share resources and thoughts as well.

Specifically, I think these people/programs/orgs are great:

RISE

Great reminder about what is needed for creating a trauma-informed change.

Father abernathy

The parenting optimist who specializes in bringing people together and who gets how hard, hopeful, necessary it is to work in community.



rebecca

Louise, who always reminds us what is most central and most healing and that sharing powerfully and power-sharing are both absolutely necessary.

Lou

These and other resources are all available in the Parenting with ACEs Community (many from the right sidebar for quick access)

I know there are lots of programs and tools many professionals use such as Near@home, but in this reply, I just shared what I have used and shared parent to parent, survivor to survivor, as someone with 8 ACEs who found that all I learned about attachment as an adoptive parent, was far more healing to my own complex PTSD, than more than a decade plus of evidence-based therapy for PTSD. Understanding what should and shouldn't happen, what does and doesn't happen, because of poverty, ACEs, war, trauma, oppression, adversity - and how each of those and all of those cumulatively impact parents and families - for me, that was a game changer.

Too often, that context is missed. Just as we often used to see kids as "difficult" or "disruptive" who we now understand as overwhelmed by stress or not regulated, we still have a ways to go in understanding adults and parents who are, as Rebecca Lewis Pankratz says, "kids with ACEs who grew up." Sometimes, we forget that regulation may not be known or had, that safety in the environment and the self still might not be the baseline, etc.

There's so much room for so much more. There's new programs, people, and resources I'm sure I don't know about. I hope others share.

And Elaine, please share back what you use, love, have created, found most/least effective. 

Cissy

Cissy, thank you, so much for all of these wonderful resources.  I take very seriously the work that I do with parents.  Any model that suggests blame or shame gets shredded.  I believe that it is so important to walk in the shoes of folks in the trenches and to walk in the shoes of their children.  

Denmark has laws that mandate teaching empathy in public schools from K-age 16. No wonder their society is more stable, kinder and their schools are safer than ours. 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry...e7b1e4b0c63bcbee2699

"....Parents today are very concerned about raising kids who will be forces for good in the world. There are many ways to teach children empathy and understanding, and one very simple yet powerful approach is through books.

Countless children’s books offer beautiful lessons about friendship, acceptance, kindness and compassion. We’ve rounded up a sample of 35. Keep scrolling for a selection of diverse books that feature messages of empathy and kindness."

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