Hi all.  I'm looking for resources to provide support to a friend of mine.  Two of her siblings have terrible conflict between them, and my friend believes it is because of shared ACEs that haven't been dealt with.  Everything I have for ACEs self-help is pretty focused on the individual.  I was wondering if anyone was aware of books/websites/articles that focus on relationships (especially sibling relationships) that have been damaged by ACEs and how to repair them.

Thanks and have a happy Friday!

Original Post

These problems are really difficult to tackle because usually these are the generational narcissistically abusively families that deal in ambiguous communication styles, passive aggression and the Drama Triangle.   

Usually, this can’t be worked out because the parenting style was to pit siblings against each other ... and someone spends most of their life trying to fix it (I spent 35 years) only to realize this is totally impossible -  

Bowen Family Systems can help with understanding dysfunctional family dynamics particularly triangulation. 



Having her work with a Trauma Informed Therapist would be my recommendation.  This work is not easy and takes professional support.  Psychology Today has a website... there is also an Internal Family Systems certified Therapists who can support.  I am in the middle of doing this work...every person and family is different.




I recommend Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More by Jonice Webb. Also Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. All of these have specific practices for people to practice together between people. Also, books by John Gottman are helpful. His research focuses on romantic relationships but his ideas around bids for attention and turning towards or away can be applied to family members, friends, and coworkers as well. 

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Carey S. Sipp (ACEs Connection Staff)Tina CainRobert OlcottDaun Kauffman
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