Hello. I am a Master Stepfamily Coach. I run two of the largest online communities for individuals in millennial blended families (Blended and Black and VIPStepmom). I have many years of experience in the trenches of doing the dirty work handling stepfamily conflict. My study also keenly focuses on teaching stepmothers how to cope with HCBMs (high conflict biological mothers). I have found that an HCBM is usually a woman that has a poor conflict management style, her own ACEs and disordered personality characteristics. This type of parent usually imparts their 'false beliefs' in their children further continuing the cycle of disorder and broken family systems.

I'd love to help with this topic. 



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Naja Matthews-Hall B.S. Family & Consumer Science
New York NY
(315) 752-5363
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Deb Berke posted:

Hello. I am a Master Stepfamily Coach. I run two of the largest online communities for individuals in millennial blended families (Blended and Black and VIPStepmom). I have many years of experience in the trenches of doing the dirty work handling stepfamily conflict. My study also keenly focuses on teaching stepmothers how to cope with HCBMs (high conflict biological mothers). I have found that an HCBM is usually a woman that has a poor conflict management style, her own ACEs and disordered personality characteristics. This type of parent usually imparts their 'false beliefs' in their children further continuing the cycle of disorder and broken family systems.

I'd love to help with this topic. 



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Naja Matthews-Hall B.S. Family & Consumer Science
New York NY
(315) 752-5363
------------------------------

Hi, 

I was just curious.  When you say

"HCBMs (high conflict biological mothers). I have found that an HCBM is usually a woman that has a poor conflict management style, her own ACEs and disordered personality characteristics. This type of parent usually imparts their 'false beliefs' in their children further continuing the cycle of disorder and broken family systems."

Are you referring to mothers with Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Characteristics?

Thanks 

Healing the effects of ACEs at home is not offered much as a self-help possibility.  What all kinds of trauma stem from is imprinted habits that were shocked into one's autonomic system. About the same as burning your finger on the stove. A shock and pain and fear-based habit is formed and guards the person against ever touching the hot stove again.  That is a simplified example of a very complex habit formed by dramatic discord in the family ( ACEs )  So teaching the subconscious new habits and finishing the Fight Flight or Freeze response gives immunity to a life long habit of stress fear or anger that the adverse events have imprinted into the subconscious autonomic habits.  So learning new habits and having more that one choice is critical for true resilience.  This is ACEs IMMUNITY. I suggest you as the step-parent learn these simple exercises for yourself well enough to teach them to the children in your care.  Note: You do not have to go into what the family did or relive the traumas or know much psychology. ( I would avoid that unless it is done by a trained professional ) This is not psychology or actually an emotional healing modality. 

ACEs IMMUNITY

https://www.youtube.com/playli...gIhMEKCry7UgVofa0J-P

Adrienne Gilbert posted:

Is there a group on ACEs Connection or an online member that has information/resources or known groups for stepparents who are parenting children of biological parents who have high ACE Scores? Or are there any content experts/lived experience experts in this area?

Thank you!

 

Adrienne:

There are some resources and stories in the Parenting with ACEs Community. Also, Echo Programs has just started an online parenting class (used to be only for families in LA).  The Attachment Trauma Network (ATN) has lots of resources for families, as well, and how trauma impacts us (whether we be birth, adoptive, step, guardians, foster, or kinship care parents or caregivers).  And if you are looking for conferences, workshops, classes, etc. in a specific community, I'm sure folks here and on Parenting with ACEs might be able to offer some suggestions as well.  Cissy 

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