What do you want to know about Adam Lanza, his family and his community?

Thanks, Robbyn!

If I could be a fly on the wall, I would have wanted to see the behind-closed-doors communication style of his mother. I did not know her and do not want to implicate her since I have not been a direct observer. But so many parents *think* and "look like" they are not a part of the problem when they really are. This is a huge problem throughout our society it's a type of emotional intelligence blindness. So many families are seen as "nice" people on the outside but close the doors and one will see another truth. Clearly Adam was suffering from feeling very disconnected. It's sad to note he had cut off ties with his father (something's up with that) who had remarried. It was also suggested he may have had Asperger's Syndrome which (now no longer in the DSM) puts one at-risk for normal social experiences. Also, the accumulation of disconnecting experiences can come from professionals, (eg, therapists, social workers, teachers, etc) and peers, as we've seen with bullying (Asperger's kids are at-risk of being bullied). I keep thinking about this great video we have which addresses parenting communication style with children: http://acesconnection.com/video/trauma-informed-care-theory-and-practice-2-hrs-9min

Great questions, Jane.  Yes, here are some questions I am interested in:

What was the pregnancy like?  Were there any complications?

What were the mother and father's early life experiences, were there risk factors for them?  Did they suffer from any kind of mental illness at any time?

What kind of community support did the mother experience with her son?  Was she isolated or part of some community?

What were the first five years of Adam's life like? Did he have emotional or behavioral problems early on?

One thing that always worries me is when the mother and child are isolated without support.

I recently listened to a lecture on violence, considering the Sandy Hook incident.  Jeffrey Dahmer was mentioned and it was stated that he came from a loving home.  I was so shocked that I took some time to read about Dahmer and put a skeletal childhood history together.  I was sad to find that the media did in fact promote that Dahmer had a loving first 6 years.  Ironically, the main person who spoke about Dahmer was his father who was primarily an absent parent. This idea of a "bad seed" is worrisome, because it turns a blind eye to the huge social problem and early abuse and neglect. 

Here is the article I wrote in response:  http://stopspanking.org/2012/12/29/jeffrey-dahmer-was-once-a-sad-li...

Good for you Robbyn.  I hate the 'bad seed' mentality - as you say, so easily proffered and so blind to what we would prefer not to see as a society - how badly we can treat our children and the long term (and expensive in so many ways!) sequelae.

More thoughts on Adam Lanza in this article:

Social withdrawal, isolation should be addressed in young

http://acesconnection.com/profiles/blogs/social-withdrawal-isolation-should-be-addressed-in-young

More information coming out...

Did Nancy Lanza Handle Her Guns Responsibly? ‘You’ll Be Surprised,’ Police Spokesman Says

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/07/did-nancy-lanza-handle-her-guns-responsibly-you-ll-be-surprised-police-spokesman-says.html

Very interesting. And sad, if she thought that she had to raise him without help. 

Thanks for posting this. 

From what I am reading, Nancy Lanza was very isolated. Even with a healthy child, isolation can be incredibly hard on mother and child.  It is very sad.

I will be happy to implicate the mother for u chris.

I'd also like to show u our "mom test". we made it based on actual things mothers of suicidal teens do.

here is a bit about it.

www.eqi.org/ptest.htm

if u send me ur email in a pm i will send u the full test.

there is lots to discuss in it.

steve

Very interesting, and not surprising. I hope that this encourages communities to become more involved when parents isolate their children. Isolation is usually a sign that there's domestic violence in the family, but, as we learned with the Newtown shooting, other things can be happening, too.

Thanks for posting this, Chris.

New news story:

Newtown shooter is described as isolated in youth

http://www.wvva.com/story/23257924/newtown-shooter-is-described-as-...

One further question,  Is it true that Adam's mother took him to the shooting range  repeatedly.   I have a difficult

time processing this if it is true.  

Janice

Yes, I hope his brother gets some. 

Yes, she did. They both obviously needed help, and didn't get it.